What in the world! I never saw that coming but i guess that was quite the point, huh? I rather enjoyed this, on some level. I thought the cloudiness of the narrators whereabouts was really nicely done. I did get a little confused on the Archie/lizard thing (?) I'm probably missing something quite obvious but it threw me a bit. Overall, i liked this.

I thought that this was a beautiful song. It is very simple and I could see it definitely being well received by Christian music fans.

I like the overall idea behind this, i think, but it is hard to decipher because the flow is not good. You transition without warning and it seems like in certain parts you do not complete the intended thought. the main part that caused me confusion was the introduction of the secondary character, "sinister thoughts" i wish that you had given more detail and insight into Carolina and Mitchell, as individuals and as a couple, before you threw this in. Iy you intent was to create a parallel bet...

i like this poem. it is very much like a lot of the things i have written. it seems like you are getting things off your chest and healing in the process. as you stated in the notes some of your rhymes are a little tricky and your line breaks could be cleaner. i think that in order to tighten up your rhymes you may want to eliminate some of the unnecessary filler words like the, of, and, very, so, etc. sometimes just losing a one syllable word makes the line run smoother.

I finished this and felt like it was incomplete. I guess that is probably the idea behind getting more input but it seemed like you don't have any idea where you are going next. Is the story line going to focus more on the drug abuse of the writer or the controversy of the book? Are these too going to have equal importance. I must say that a lot of the dialogue is not really dialogue at all, just sentences and thoughts you have strung together and put quotations around. In order to give this ...

i am truly confused and i hate admitting that. i saw this as a stepford wives-ish short story (?maybe) a story of revenge and torture. i get that candi was shunned but you don't really give a lot of insight into her suffering. there is the one tiny paragraph about crying into the ameretto sours but nothing that gives any clue of what is going to happen...is that the point? i also don't get the paper thing...is it some jab at the frivolity of these women, that they view people and their feelin...

parts of this are just odd to me...are you the boy? did you mean to switch from narrator to first person in the last line? this is very confusing for a reader. also, why are you referring to Dad without any modifier (his Dad, my Dad, the Dad) when write about the boy this way? i think that making some adjustments could give this story more cohesion. I also think that a little more detail and length would be nice. Does the Dad/boy dynamic come from past history of their relationship? Was the b...

i enjoyed this very much. I love the ending and think is it a very visceral account of something everyone has felt at one time or another. My only concern is witht he line breaks and stanza changes. Make sure that your a breaking at a time when it is appropriate for the lines rather than to maintain a uniformity of appearance. sometimes a writer aims for the awkward break to add "interest" b ut i personally have a difficult time with the flow. Revisit the first "stanza"==could the last two li...

i am biased because i have lived this exact story--in the flesh--on many an occasion but i thought it was entertaining. very easy to related too. i don't understand the "and since getting over bulimia" reference at the top of page two? was that supposed to be a joke and i missed it? also, you make it sound more like your love affair was with beer--not food--which i totally get but maybe elaborate on some of the funnies and anecdotes and why you are so drawn to drinking? all in all i think it ...