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moeszyslak's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Lanoka Harbor, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 29
LOC: Lanoka Harbor, NJ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 29
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Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
My daughter's dance shoe tossed on the floor old and worn, soon will fit no more.
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
“Are you going to kill me?�? “Yes. But only if you ask any more questions,�? said the old man. The old man paced in front of the junkie, hands behind his back, as if inspecting him. “You’re look just like I thought you would, with your neck tattoos and metal rings all stuck through your face. And an ugly mug at that. I didn’t expect the buzzcut, though. You spent any time in the military?�? The junkie could barely shake his head no. “Figures. So then tell me, what exactly were you doing here...
Version 1
11 Reviews
3 Comments
The old man took care to stay out of sight, pushing the thick curtain aside only the half-inch or so he needed to view the street. The sixty-something Impala rode by slowly, speeding up and away after it passed the mailbox. That was the second time the old man had been cased. One more time and he knew he would be the next target in the recent string of robberies. At least he hoped he would. He felt the beginnings of an erection, a welcomed feeling for someone his age. That night, the old man...
Version 1
15 Reviews
8 Comments
I’m fairly convinced that my boss is a vampire. I have no proof, but I believe there is just too much empirical evidence to think otherwise. She doesn’t have the typical vampire physical traits; her eyes aren’t white, she doesn’t assume the form of a bat or wolf (as far as I know), and there seems to be nothing wrong with the length of her canines. But yet, I remain convinced that she is a vampire. I work in an office in an absurdly large building, for an absurdly large corporation. I’m a pr...
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Reviews
I always love a good vampire story. This has good potential - a female vampire's adventures. A couple of things: 1873, but where? The flashback was a nice illustration, but the dialog seemed a bit forced. I'm no expert on 19th century dialect, but parts of it just didn't sound right. It's VERY tough to do. I would recommend scanning through some old classics like Bram Stoker's Dracula for some of the subtle nuances. Also, I'm no expert on vampires. Do they bite into the veins instead of arter...
Wow, you sure can write. Structurally, I can offer you nothing. The prose was witty, informative, and flowing. Not once did I stumble over a sentence. I was a bit thrown off by Regina. She didn't seem to pitch much of a bitch when some strange dude wanted to book a trip for her employee. I also thought that she might question her safety, since the narrator could have been a very nasty person. But this is a minor point, a subtlety that I might have missed. Excellent.
I couldn't stop reading this if I tried. Loved it. I won't waste your credits with the superlatives, but let me just say that it was well-written. There are only two things that stuck in my craw just a little bit. When the critter was first introduced, it seemed a bit rushed. Right away, we heard exactly what it looked like in pretty decent detail. I would like to have gotten some of these details as we learned more about it. Second, consider this interchange: "Are the kids alright?... Yes. T...
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Technically sound writing. It reads well and has a good pace. Stylewise, this is good. A couple of times the descriptions flirt a bit with the cliche (heart fluttering, world stilled, etc). There is room to break through the norm here. But it's very hard to describe the power of infatuation in ways it hasn't been before. I loved the "you're tall" comment. Perfect choice to show the awkwardness of the situation. Give us more of this. I also think it would be nice if the girl showed her coyness...
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