momshell02's profile

I like that you link each event with cause and effect. I dont get the connections. I think its kind of generalized and unrelated. I felt a lack of passion with the connections. I think if you added a little more passion with each pharse It would help to connect them. You have a good base.

Its interesting. Very good flow,Leads the reader along well. I like the way you built a visual existance in our minds,and left it at that. The line about dandelions was confusing,dandelions are the toughest weeds, so I didnt get that part.

This is very powerful. Its concept/theme is clear. It shows emotion without being to emotional. Its suggestive but not expected. As a reader your pulled into the poem and by the end of it the emotion of the poem if felt. Very nice job!

I didn't really get a feel for the "main" character. Who actually was the main person? What was the story about, the people/characters, the dinner itself? I got some idea of the neighborhood. The main character was a little confusing, we didn't really get a feel for him. It was like I missed the first chapters telling me who this person telling the story was. I got confused in the second paragraph, was this a previous dinner party or was it happening at the time of the story telling. Eventual...

I like the way you refer to your heart being like a ship and you carried the theme all the way through the poem. It put images of a lonely bobbing ship in my mind,the fact that your life was like a sea,and that finding love calmed the seas of your heart. Good job