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moonfox2062's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Memphis, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 27
LOC: Memphis, TN
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 27
hmmm, My name is Caleb but my friends call me Mickey. I would save a random person but for purely selfish reasons. everytime I look up at a clock it has 1:11 or 2:22 or so on and so forth. I like to use phrases like so on and so forth. I type carelessly and care little about errors. My favorite things in the galaxy are black holes.
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When I awake My cheek is not warmed My face is not warmed My heart is not warmed. When I look outside I do not see far I do not see clear I do not see light When I go out Eyes do not shine Lakes do not shine Sun does not shine They say to me, "look the air is warm the sun it shines." I look and see only my heart.
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I hear the familiar sound of my soms wishes and dreams being played out in front of him as I walk in the front door , home from amother day of torturous labor. I can smell my wife in the kitchen. She used to smell like strawberries, always strawberries, but that smell has long been replaced by the cleaning smell of pine that permeates the entire house. I pass the boy, my boy, on my way to the kitchen. He doesn’t look up and I dont remember his name. In the kitchen my wife huddles over the sto...
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Sweep me up in your voice. Let your words guide me. may your tongue lash at my eyes that I might be blinded and not see the horrors that surround me. Tell me my steps, so that my feet will not falter. Call out your oath that I might walk it straight. For I fear that the way I choos will me wrong, that my cross will be to much for me to bear. So please orate my history for me that I might know my destiny. Tell me who I am For I do not know.
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Version 1
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Sweep me up in your voice. Let your words guide me. may your tongue lash at my eyes that I might be blinded and not see the horrors that surround me. Tell me my steps, so that my feet will not falter. Call out your oath that I might walk it straight. For I fear that the way I choos will me wrong, that my cross will be to much for me to bear. So please orate my history for me that I might know my destiny. Tell me who I am For I do not know.
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Come my love. Come away While white stay the doves and long are the days. Come beautiful Come with me. While men are still dutiful and we children are free. Come my lover Come on home While we still love each other a bond as of stone. Quick will come the sands, Quick as a flood, to wear at the stone and make canyons of our love doves will turn gray short will be the days wild will be the men with children locked away So Come my love Come and be mine While young is our blood and we still have ...
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In line four what is passing? Punctuation would have helped this poem flow better and help the reader know where one thought ends and the next begins. I don't know if the book was destroyed or if the narrator just didn't find what they were looking for with it.
it definitely made me laugh. I would change "did you introduce yourself..." to "do you introduce yourself..." to give it a more personal and skeptical feel to that particular part of the poem.
I think your putting forth to many ideas in one short poem. I wish you would have stuck with the idea that just because one is old one still has alot of life to live and shouldn't hide away. But then with the second stanza you brought up other points that didn't exactly support your first one. Takes away from the focus point.
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