motherjungle's profile
AGE:
45
LOC: Costa Rica
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 09
LOC: Costa Rica
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 09
I’m one of THOSE people who, after getting a degree in something else, decided to become a writer.
I had an epiphany on an airplane (in coach) on the way to Florida while reading Bird by Bird. As tears rolled down my cheeks, I held my fist in the air and said, “Yes! Yes! Yes! We’re having peanuts instead of pretzels.”
The protein energized me enough to end my old life and start anew. I’ve been plugging away ever since. Birthing children did complicate the whole process, but occasionally they pass out long enough to write something longer than a paragraph.
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Version 2
11 Reviews
2 Comments
Damn. I forgot to push Save.
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Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Damn. I forgot to push save.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
1 Comment
God sits on my book shelf. Bound between King James, Carlos Castaneda, and the Tae Te Ching, the almighty waits. I’ve been searching for the real spiritual truth from the beginning of my time. My mother hung a crisp, white blouse every night on the door knob so I could be perfectly pressed for Catechism and obedience. When I knelt to repeat the prayers the sisters taught us, I looked up at Jesus hanging there on the cross. Does it all come down to this? After tossing that aside in college, I ...
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4 Reviews
0 Comments
I’ve been scratching. I am Bucky, a flossy dog with a tight brisket. Although I cannot speak, lack of opposable digits has not stopped me from putting paw to paper. The computer has freed me from the days of taping a pen to an appendage. My last human companion (master went out years ago) was blind, and we traveled extensively. Retired now, I live with an avid art collector. I was licking (never mind where) and just being with our collection when a thought passed over my cold, wet muzzle. Wh...
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Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Take me to the pond and dump my head in water so I wake up from this midlife dream. I slather in strength only when I am alone in my room. Out there the beasts rear their ugly heads And I crawl backwards, beeping Tail between my legs A product of my generation. If I feared death all I would have to do is die. Instead I have to live with myself The one I invented yesterday and the one I am trying to tear apart today. Just when I think I've got it A two-by-four cracks me upside the head Without...
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Until words hit the paper, we never know. I could relate to this as my brother was in army for 20 years. I like the whole theme of it, what lacks for me is more of a visual bursting of the imagery. If you dive more into the guts of these thoughts, I think it would come more alive. At this moment I can't wrap my hands around it and feel all that I sense is there. For example: on feathered wings of resplendent light--I am miss what this means and keeps me distant. I had to read it twice. That's...
I hear a song here. And reading your profile and music you like to listen to, seems a fit. A lot of the lines in here are really good. All bunched in one paragraph though got tough for me to read. But as I did over again, I could feel rhythm. Perhaps just that step alone will give good ideas on how the beat works. Since you don't have it marked as a lyric and you intend to stay with poetry, something to consider. But you've got nice rhythms where I found myself moving with it. Keep up the wor...
Each verse rings pretty well by itself. The connection between the whole piece seems a bit obscure. But that is part of the good thing about lyrics, the music can tide over the words and fill in sentiment also. One thing about the too little time: what if there is enough time, plenty of time, but it's ourSELVES that stand in the way of answers. When this is hit, look forward to hearing the melodies!
Great first line. Loved it. The second looses the fire and I find the third line too much of a phrase that could be said outside of poetry. In other words, it didn't challenge the imagery in my brain. The last line comes up as a surprise. I didn't see it coming, which maybe you wanted, but if that is the case, something more I can bite my teeth into. The rhythm also doesn't groove for me. Just that first line alone shows you have some good stuff. If the rest oould be as sharp, you'd be on to ...
The ranking for the talent of poetry is the highest mark because I can see it in the work and effort in this poem. What happened as I was reading it is that it became a struggle to understand. I read it again and was able to follow it better. Yet, I think we need to grab in the reader in the first round. I think with a rewrite and coming around to more clearly the feelings you want to emote, you will relax some of that. You have some nice contrasts in certain stanzas, for example....dull comb...
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