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mountainwiccan's profile
AGE:
38
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 11
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 11
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Version 2
0 Reviews
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Plot 24a is where you lay Or so they said Yet, I saw nothing to signify your presence Except an are twelve by twelve of moistened earth fertile with soldiered plaques and un-named rose bush with silent tag. Your post-mortemed body cremated in tranquil ambiance but nothing to show you existed- I wanted to dig you up to find you and make you whole again To collect the ashes which they say are you and gently mould and shape the person that I knew. Take my breath. Take it. Make it yours Take my l...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Plot 24a is where you lay Or so they said Yet, I saw nothing to signify your presence Except an are twelve by twelve of mositened earth fertile with soldiered plaques and unnamed rose bush with silent tag Your post-mortemed body cremated in tranquil ambience but nothing to show you existed- I wanted to dig you up to find you and make you whole again To collect the ashes which they say are you and gently mould and shape the person that I knew. Take my breath. Take it. Make it yours Take my lif...
Version 1
12 Reviews
2 Comments
If ever you should hear my prayer Pray silence keep this fallen tear, For moments lost through inner thought The silence constant ever sought Reveals the weakness deep within Betraying fragile, mortal sin. The prayer for warm embracing arms Dispelling painful deeds of harm, Retract this unharmonious note With gentleness of words bespoke No longer doubts my mind assail If love removed this shrouded veil. But prayers as dreams pass fleetingly Predestined paths of what will be, A life half lived...
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Reviews
Quite amusing. Not certain if it worked so well as a quote but more so as a very shore poem. I liked the imagery created by the quote as a whole which succeeded in not being perverse but instead more sexually subdued. You make the point without needing to spell it out too much which is wht makes it quite witty. Well done.
To be honest that was quite clever and rather scientific. Did not roll so readily off of one's tongue, but nonetheless it was quite witty.
Ok. the poem oscillated between almost a limerick and a conventional poem which detracted a little from the theme I felt. There were a few lines that I would have changed. For example Instead of "King of the mountain" I would have changed the gender to "Queen" since it is a woman you are presumably talking of. I also think you might have been mising your metaphors a little as it is usually "King of the Hill". Overall it was an interesting theme that you chose and quite biting.
Nice, reflective quote. It made me think and was not empty rhetoric for the sake of sounding impressive.
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