mrkawaiipenguin's profile

It was very bizarre but I liked it. It reminds me of a Twilight Zone story of a child who could create anything with his mind and he trapped people into living there. Though without the cohesiveness of concrete situations, rules, laws, the story becomes confusing and unpleasant. Try narrowing down the possibilities for this story or explaining it more in the beginning. I would also suggest that you remove your asking for input on plot holes because in this sort of story, there are none. Thoug...

Chosen One is a cliche that's been used too many times to work effectively. Please considered a different title. “Spiritual residue” This piece is SciFi, consider using a different terminology. “And then what?” Follow all breaks in dialogue with a new paragraph. “One of the elders” Insert tab. “efficient hunting skills” This doesn't interest the reader unless the story takes place in a primitive society or unless you define the quarry. Also this is a run-on. “What are...lifetime?” New paragra...

I think your writing style is a little hard for a reader to follow. There are a few grammatical errors which slow down the reader but don't add anything to the understanding. The randomness doesn't tie into the story as much as you could make it. If you're trying to describe chaos or the insides of your own mind, a little more structure and description of the surrounding world would be a benefit. I saw little of where this was all taking place. Your title says that it's a cave but there is li...