mrkawaiipenguin's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Chico, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 30
LOC: Chico, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 30
I’m just a guy who enjoys writing when it comes to him. Often I sneer and convulse at the thought of typing another word. Other times, it pours out of my fingers (and toes) like a dinner from Taco Bell.
Physically I’m fat and happy.
Items
Version 7
10 Reviews
14 Comments
Chapter One If he wasn’t drunk at the moment, Jason knew he would have seen the gun sooner. At least then he might have been able to warn Charlie. Until now, the world had been a blur, though the gun shot shook him from his sodden state. The man Jason had thought was a homeless guy asking for some change was now demanding a lot more than a few coins. He would have laughed at the irony if there wasn’t a gun pointed at him and his friend wasn’t bleeding on the ground. &n...
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So while I'm reading this, I'm thinking to myself that this guy is too powerful. Like James Bond meets Rambo. I think I'd read more but I think a lot of build up might be required before the reader empathizes with such a powerful character. I think it'll do well, especially for the Punisher crowd. Though since I have no other publishers to offer to you, I won't suggest any changes.
Wicked words, I like how it flows. I think it has a good chance to become published because of the current mindset of the world to take action. Nobody wants to hold back anymore.
Unfortunately, I am also a nail biter. However, that fact has never lead to someone wanting to know more about me. Your quote about "The Art of War" might get people to want to read more about that book but your own first line needs to be strong enough to draw people in. When you say that "tendency to overcome adversity", I don't think adversity is the right word. Adversity is defined as a misfortune. The misfortune is yours not the oral fixation's. When your character starts asking about lan...
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