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mrmerris's profile

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AGE: 56
LOC: Benicia, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: June 08

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Screenplay / So this is Christmas
Version 1
3 Reviews   0 Comments
So This Is Christmas   By M.R. Merris WGA West Registration #1321520             for John Lennon and Art Bell     So this is Christmas And what have you done Another year over A new one just begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun The near and the dear ones The old and the young A merry merry Christmas And a happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear And so happy Christmas For weak and for strong The rich and the poor...
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Screenplay / So this is Christmas
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
So This Is Christmas   By M.R. Merris WGA West Registration #1321520             for John Lennon and Art Bell     So this is Christmas And what have you done Another year over A new one just begun And so this is Christmas I hope you have fun The near and the dear ones The old and the young A merry merry Christmas And a happy New Year Let's hope it's a good one Without any fear And so happy Christmas For weak and for strong The rich and the poor...
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Non-fiction / hawk at 7 AM
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
hawk at 7 AM for Rachel Dorothy Lange’s light frames hawk fiercer than fear flowing from night tangle hair magnificent magnanimous. meaning scoured in Sphinx rising from despair’s seduction. this whispers God life intimacy: thank you.
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Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
the way a woman eye’s smiles to Sue you can see when a woman has a new man in her life in her eyes. their laugh lilts and their smile, well, it spells Barbie, doll houses that were packed away too long ago, ballerina slippers, the prince with a horse that doesn’t need to be house broken and holding his shaking freckled hand until he can’t remember your name. satisfaction and the awe of hope, not the memory of the last son of bitch that you threw out. kid, let me quit this parlor game and get ...
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Reviews
Karen, You have talent and you have meet to your work and you have something to say, but the dance of your language I dread is too dense for the lay reader. If you want to be in the nether world of "Poetry" circles than you are on pace to be recognized and red by those in thosee circles. You have talent and skill and should go far... M,R, Merris
Good image, good language and good theme. There is meat there, there is something there. good job. The only negative comment is that it might be too opaque for the general reader. If you want to get a book published be aware of your readership and if they can support a book. Are you sending things out to Lit. mags? Please do and get as much feeback as you can. Do you have a BA or MFA? if not I would suggest looking into this route. most poetry publshing is a political network and and the MFA ...
you need to cut this in half and tigthen the imagesup.make thm bite the reader on the tongue. the idea is good,but you need stronger execution.
what is this story about? where is the claw that catches the reader? Some of the description could beseen better as a image.Needs work.
doesn'thaveenough punch, the imagesneed to be sharper, there needs to be more swing to it.am i clear?.if not, yell and i will go into more detail.
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Poetry / Skythief
Non-fiction / My Parents' Worth

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