I enjoyed your story. You did a good job of describing Venice but then adding your own personal feelings and experiences into the story. The is an excerp, from what I understand, which does make it difficult because the reader doesn't immediately know who the characters are. Also, there are some punctuation, etc. that I found. In the first sentence, you need to add the word "the" before famous. Or you could loose the word famous and say, "before we jumped on a bus and headed to Venice." You h...

That is very nice. As jounaling goes, I am not here to critique your grammar, etc. (although I didn't see anything worth mentioning). I think that remembering that others hurt and often much more so than we do is a huge lesson in life. It is so easy to think that we are alone in the world with our troubles, but we are not. I find this a lot easier said than done. However, you have a lovely way of putting into words a lesson that we should all follow. I really like the last sentence that summe...

This doesn't sound like the story of your life. It sounds like the story of a relationship you had that went sour. It can be earth shattering at any age, especially when you are younger. I am not sure what this sentence means and maybe needs to be re-done. "I try my best for you through all these just to have it canned." I am confused. You don't appreciate "you" for for most of the little... What does that mean? For me, getting my feelings, including anger written often helps me to get over t...

Okay, first of all, I had a hard time getting through this because there are so many words spelled wrong. However, blogging doesn't need to be perfect in that department. So I will focus on your question. How about you don't choose either of them? You are 15 years old and asking guys to f@#! you? You are way too young to be that up front and in your face with any guy about sex. I am not going to be a hypocrite and say wait till your married, cuz I wasn't much older than you, but I was (what I...

Wow, serious stuff. I just wanted to point out one misspelled word and that is, "You lok;" I believe you mean look? I like the rhyming because it adds to your message and helps the flow. I commend you on pointing out many people's shallow exsistences. I too am tired of the priorities that are pushed in our faces every single day. We wonder why people are the way they are. The only thing I didn't like was the end. Pulling the trigger does not end the nightmare. I creates nightmares for those l...

This feels like a poem but in journaling, you can do whatever. A couple of things. I don't think it is necessary to repeat the first line twice (just my opinion). Also, the poem is so sweet that I think you ruin it by saying, "I miss making other people sick with public displays of affection." It is such a negative thing to say and it doesn't really fit. Looking at your age, the sentence that remarks about "hormonal teenagers," you are, so it doesn't make much sense. Although, in other arena,...

People care about cutting because you could end up killing yourself. This is so very sad. I wish you felt that someone cared or would listen. Depression is sad and, at your age, feels like the world is coming to an end. If this refers to your cutting or a friend, stop yourself or talk to your friend. Someone cares, you might not realize it but, someone does. You are too young to give up. This isn't a review, I realize, but I am concerned. I wish you well.

Wow, very powerful stuff. Have you thought of trying to publish this in a teen magazine? Teen Vogue or People. Something along those lines. I ask because telling from a younger persons perspective who struggles with this daily might get through to young girls (and boys) who might be considering drastically changing their eating habits and heading down the road to anorexia. This is a really good piece of writing. Your flow works well. You keep the reader engaged throughout and there were no hi...

You write very well and I will not critique your punctuation, etc. This is a very sad story because it deals with the question of how we deal with death. I, like you feel it is a very private time and don't want to listen to everyones' tears. However, I understand that they have no choice. Although you take the process to the scientific. You study how the body functions and fails and that sounds as if it makes it easier for you to remove the emotional aspect to grief. Again, this is a very sa...

Very sweet for a 14 year old's attempt at poetry. It is a bit predictable and sounds and awful lot like a song that was way before your time. I'd be careful about the line that reads, "I'll turn your frown upside-down." It is very cliche and could use something a bit more creative. All in all, you did a nice job and I think it is great that you put your work out on a site like Urbis. Keep up the good work!