munk322's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 30
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 30
Hi. My name is Hugh Hudson. I’m a printer in Bellingham, Washington. I’m 33 and a part-time single father. Typically, I write very short stories. That always killed me on essay exams. I like to write about those single moments in life when something comes into focus. Those ultra-ordinary things that for some reason at some point make a person stop and go hmm… Other than that, I like comic books. Zombie movies. Music of all kinds. My daughters. Beers with my friends. The old feeling of the San Juan islands.
www.myspace.com/hagbard2
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It's half-lidded whispers, aural artifacts mouthed by drowsing eyes. (someone took the name of my favorite flower and made her real) It's the coarse grain on the heel or hand, the will you, won't you, and where am I? It's the moon scything through the cumulus while bare feet idly kick at the tide sneaking up under a summer-side pier.
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Version 2
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WILT Dry husk dawn in a corn maze; the bull in the middle can't kill the scarecrow enough. It's gotta rain soon. All our fathers marched before us, into the fields, out of the fields, through killing fields and poppy fields, swinging ever-evolving sickles, never easing their grip if they got back home. It's gotta rain soon. Flowers bought in full bloom will never bud again and bare their orchid teeth; too much sun, too much shit, too little water. It's gotta rain soon. Inside the salt-bleache...
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Version 1
6 Reviews
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WILT Dry husk dawn in a corn maze; the bull in the middle Can't kill the scarecrow enough. It's gotta rain soon. All our fathers marched before us, into the fields, Out of the fields, through killing fields And poppy fields, swinging ever-evolving sickles, Never loosing their grip when they got back home. It's gotta rain soon. Flowers bought in full bloom Will never bud again and bare their orchid teeth; Not enough sun, not enough shit, too little water. It's gotta rain soon. Inside the salt-...
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Version 1
2 Reviews
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Tra-loo, tra-lye, la-lullabye Tra-la, tra-lye, tra-loo, Tra-loo tra-lye, my Sleepy Eyes, I sing this song for you. Tra-loo, Tra-lye, my Dearest Prize, We named the moon La Lune, Tonight we'll wish the stars to life, And fly there dreaming soon. Hear tra-lye, the lazy sigh As the river slowly flows; If the creatures of the woods were here, They'd curl up warm and close. It's time to lay the day behind Your pillow soft and smooth; Tonight, Dear play in glittering skies, Tra-la, Tra-lye, Tra-loo.
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Version 2
38 Reviews
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THE ONE IN THE WOODS There is one in the woods whose laughter is like bird sounds. His wiry hair becomes tangled with leaves as he combs through the alder trees. He uses nettles as itching powder to brush on arms and legs, he plucks lashes from his lids and plants them in the ground, knowing when he returns ferns will have grown. The One in the Woods put antlers on deer so he could hold on for the ride. He made mushrooms to sit on while waiting for snails he races through the glade. Anthills ...
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Before I give my critique, please don't take my rating personally. This is a good first draft, but some structural issues and devices have to be addressed. First, the moon and rose have been very over-used as imagery for a couple hundred years or more in poetry. They are just not images that grab a reader's attention any more. The same can be said about directly personifying those natural objects. Perhaps you could make subtler inferences of similarities between you and the flower, and he/she...
Please excuse my 4 ratings. I really don't like to rate things on a scale of one to ten; for me writing can't be broken down into a number rating. I do want to say that this poem does need some work to speak (at least to me) to the audience. It takes place very much in the abstract world of thought and emotion, which is what poetry is all about, BUT... as the reader, I need markers, signposts to guide me through it, and those markers are imagery that is commonly (but not run-of-the mill) ide...
Nice work here. My favorite image: "oxymoron lip ring". My favorite passage: "The hero will weather the weather, whatever the weather". That is so fluid and lyrical, and very determined. You gave yourself (and your audience) a huge challenge here by using very little punctuation, and I would suggest putting some more thought into the way you organize some of the lines. The first three lines should be broken up somehow to let the reader digest what you are trying to say a little more slowly; t...
While this would work very well on the inside of a greeting card and in that scenario touch a few hearts, I had to give a low rating for "poetry - overall". My reasons are these: 1) the passage is purely abstract. There is nothing to link the reader physically to the statement, and sensory references are the key to drawing the reader in to what you are writing (which is extremely difficult, I know, when you only have six words to spare). 2) "Love is forever"... that phrase has been thoroughl...
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