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musicislife's profile
AGE:
15
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 02
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 02
I’m rebecca and I love to write, of course. I’m a crazy student who just has this crazy idea that she’s a good writer. I love music too, just fyi. I’m like a beast clarinet player, so watch out… jk. I dance with Sharon’s Studio of Dance, the best studio, ever! But mainly, I’m a language arts kind of gal who just loves to read and write.
DId I mention I have a brother who’s a pain in teh ass? Well… that too, just in case you thought I had it easy.
I’m just your average wild writer. the end.
Items
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
The rest of the school day went by in a blur. Thoughts zoomed through my head, along with questions and assumptions. “Are you sure you’re ok?” Tori asked in the middle of pre calc. “Yeah,” I said back in a hushed tone. “Just confused.” “About the math??” “No.” “Oh,” was her final reply. As I walked out into the sun I decided that I was being ridiculous. Why should I even care? I hastened down the hallway, waving to Bella when I ran into her. Suddenly, a teacher waved at me to come over. He lo...
Version 2
2 Reviews
1 Comment
Dusk came and went as I sat, my hair blowing slightly in the breeze. My arms were wrapped tightly around my legs as I shook back and forth on a swing. A piece of fabric tilted up towards the sky, ruffling slightly above my head. I looked around, only to observe that I was on the top of a large city building. Suddenly, I felt light water droplets against my skin. It must have been starting to rain. I looked up, but saw that the piece of fabric was still covering me completely. It was only then...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
My eyes wondered around the white ceiling of my room, covered in leaks and spackle. I was laying on my back taking slow steady breaths to the apartment creaks above. It was extremely dark, for the sun from the outside window was not yet coming threw the crack in my door. Usually, I would wait until then to get up and walk around, but this morning I could not lie still. Suddenly, a quiet, timid knock came upon the door. “I’m awake,” I whispered. Frank easily stepped inside the room and shut th...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
Dusk came and went as I sat, my hair blowing slightly in the breeze. My arms were wrapped tightly around my legs as I shook back and forth on a swing. A piece of fabric tilted up towards the sky, ruffling slightly above my head. I looked around, only to observe that I was on the top of a large city building. Suddenly, I felt light water droplets against my skin. It must have been starting to rain. I looked up, but saw that the piece of fabric was still covering me completely. It was only then...
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Reviews
this is good. "in crowded parking lots..." doesn't fit. if you look, the structure of the rest of your poem is long, and then short. this is the opposite and throws the line a little off balance. the last line "the dead give it back... all at once" is really good. don't change it. ever. i also like how your title fits in with the poem, it gives the whole thing more meaning.
I really like the structure of this. it makes it extremely interesting and gives it that edge that says "hey, i want to read this again". I like how you talk about coffee. it makes the scene relatable, beleivable, and more meaningful.
i'm not quite sure where you are headed with this. it can either be taken as really funny, or really sad. if you are going for sad, snow cones isn't quite the right words you should use, nor should you use daddy. if you are going for funny, its close, but, its still lacking humor.
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