mykietown's profile

Let me start with a caveat that I'm not much of a poetry person; I lean more towards story and narrative. I have some experience with rhyme and meter, but probably not enough to give a sufficient critque. That being said, I think you have a good poem here. I realize it's a challenge to make an interesting poem under the constraints of rhyme and meter (something I won't even attempt). And I think you use a good technique in varying the line by rhyme scheme. I didn't get a chance to read this a...

I think your writing style is very poetic and ornate. It makes your descriptions very visual. However, I think there should be an equilibrium between plot/action and descrition. Too much plot over description makes the story hollow. But too much description over plot slows the storyline down tremendously. I think in your case you're falling a little more towards description over plot. As I read it I was hoping the pace would move up a little more quickly. I also noticed that at some point you...

You clearly have a gift for writing, especially in terms of detail and description. Your descriptions are downright poetic. I had a feel of the Austrian countryside that was more dreamlike and whimsical than realistic (I mean that in a good way). You are also very educated. Your description of Klimt and his work readily brought images of "The Kiss" to mind. That being said, I think the best part of your work (description) can also detract from some of the other key elements of a story as well...

You have an excellent voice with this narrative. I got a good feel of Sophie's perspective. Her character is downright sheltered and innocent, tragically played against the abuses of the father. You paint the picture of the setting very well, especially in the beginning. I really felt like I was in that small town. I was a little confused at the end. It seemed to jump a little suddenly into the arrest and declaration of murder. I'm sure that will unfold in later chapters. It just seemed a lit...

What a mournful story. It was very sad, especially the ending. Great storyline. Have you considered writing this in first person? It might work better since his thoughts are so important to the plot. There were quite a few secondary characters, it made it difficult to distinguish one from another. Maybe if their names were more unique, and the actions they had during the family dinner stood out more. I picked up on who was who after a while though. Excellent work. I don't think I found many m...