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naturalhazard's profile
AGE:
40
LOC: Norman, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 29
LOC: Norman, OK
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 29
I love new experiences. My new experience (NE) goal for the year is to achieve my first fiction publication. A related but not NE) goal is to have at least one poem published this year.
I’ve been lucky to lead a varied life so far. I currently own a consulting business which develops hazards plans and business continuity plans, as well as hazards education products.
In the past I’ve held jobs as a: waitress, counter help, newspaper reporter, actress, magazine feature writer, A&E editor, model, graduate research assistant, coffee house manager, operations manager (of two academic research centers), nanny, engraver, book seller, and PR intern. Whew. I also worked for free doing everything from special effects to makeup to key grip to…
(more)Reviews
Although it's well-written, (since you asked) this is not flash fiction. It is a vignette. Flash fiction contains the classic story elements: protagonist, conflict, obstacles or complications, and resolution in 1,000 words or less. Your writing has a good flow and re-visited, this could become part of a short story. Also, please, spellcheck. It should read "She argues" not "She qrgues."
I hemmed and hawed over the rating, and what to say here. You have smooth writing style and the piece flows well. In picky editor mode, I'll say that the end of the first paragraph didn't fit with the style or tone of the rest of the paragraph. The last sentence of it inserts the narrator to far into the story. The second and third to the last could be re-written as "It's as if all your life you had thought that smell was taste, and then you discovered that smell was, in fact, its own thing, ...
Good job, esp. for a first timer. I would suggest cutting some of instances of the pronouns out, such as "her". Also, Try breaking up the first sentence of the second paragraph into two. (I.e. "Her bottom lip quived. Her heart held..." Also, since she's obviously alone you don't need the attribution of her statement, nor the phrase following it. They don't help move the action which is one of the main tenets of flash. I gave this high marks on all three criteria, but I esp. think you did well...
This is a very well written flash piece that only needs copy editing to be ready to go out the door to a publication. For instance, the verb tense in the "Rumors of the outing has escaped" is incorrect and should read "Rumors of the outing had escaped".
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