neverisapromise's profile
AGE:
16
LOC: Palm Desert, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 17
LOC: Palm Desert, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 17
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http://www.bldg98.com/profile/KelseySullivan?viewAsOther=1
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Version 3
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Carbon and Iron: interspersed in Blast Furnaces. And Precise Measurements and Calculations are computed by Competent Men. Steel is Steel: Nature is bent and yielded to Man’s Will. And Train Tracks and Skyscrapers rise as the Symbol of his Achievement. Citizens stair and worship this Masterpiece with Incredulous Shock: Capitalist America’s Industrial Revolution is taking Form. And Statues of Businessmen are erected as our Highest Reverence. Money stands as the Product of a Reasonable Mind.
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Version 2
4 Reviews
9 Comments
Carbon and Iron: interspersed in Blast Furnaces. And Precise Measurements and Calculations are computed by Competent Men. Steel is Steel: Nature is bent and yielded to Man’s Will. And Train Tracks and Skyscrapers rise as the symbol of his achievement. Citizens stair and worship this Masterpiece with Incredulous Shock: Capitalist America’s Industrial Revolution is taking Form. And Statues of Businessmen are erected as our Highest Reverence. Money stands as the Product of a Reasonable Mind.
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Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Carbon and Iron: interspersed in Blast Furnaces. And Precise Measurements and Calculations are computed by Competent Men. Steel is Steel: Nature is bent and yielded to Man’s Will. And Train Tracks and Skyscrapers rise as the symbol of his achievement. Citizens stair and worship this Masterpiece with Incredulous Shock: Capitalist America’s Industrial Revolution is taking Form. And Statues of Businessmen are erected as our Highest Reverence. Money is the Product of a Reasonable Mind.
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Version 4
1 Review
0 Comments
She lets herself into the now blackened room- slipping the Silken dress from her Rigid shoulders. It falls to the floor making a lampshade around her bare feet, hinting at a stumble that they both know won’t happen. He stares back at her blatantly, his face calm and reposed despite the verity of hers. As the moon shines through the uncurtained windows, luminously lighting up her pale skin and reflecting off his astonishing orange hair- Giving both a godly glow. He seems to smile at her althou...
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Version 1
9 Reviews
7 Comments
Dead bolt your tear ducts. True pain’s a guilty pleasure. Pace across the room.
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Reviews
Is "Man-Shaped-Wind" a character that you made up? And would this piece just be a tale of his day/days? I have to say, it's an interesting idea. I have yet to see anything quite like it- nice job. Did you mean "Abecedarian" as in "a 16th century sect of Anabaptists centered in Germany who had an absolute disdain for human knowledge" or "a beginner in any field of learning"? I wasn't sure. "Tune in tom": a typo? I would like to hear some more background on what exactly you had in mind with thi...
A stunningly beautiful piece- keep up the good work. I especially like the first line. Happy writing. -Kelsey A. Sullivan
The rhythm is totally fine. In fact, I like it- just subtle enough so as not to be distracting. I would fix the second and third lines of this piece- not a strong enough start. Fix the second to last line also- not strong enough of an end. Other than that this is great- interesting plot line that kept me reading. Happy writing. -K.S.
Great metaphor! Took me three reads through to get the whole picture, but when it all finally fell into place it was a great pleasure. I don't really have any suggestions for this one. I prefer to use proper capitalization and punctuation in my haikus, but most wouldn't agree with me so it's up to you. Keep at it. Happy writing. -K.S.
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