ITEMS (2)
nicerobot's profile
AGE:
100
LOC: Winter Park, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 07
LOC: Winter Park, FL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 07
Items
Version 4
2 Reviews
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Partners in every respect, Pisces and Joe have literally been inseparable since the moment they met, when they were twelve. Neither are capable of imagining a life apart. He followed her dream. She followed the stars. They build aquariums. Pisces' love is abysmal. Her love for Joe, shallow and misunderstood. Joe's may well be her antipode flooding her every moment in dote. On this one, typical, unexceptional, glassy evening, before the boilerplate sex on their wavy bed under the flat sheets s...
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Version 1
1 Review
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At first, I’m always drawn to the shape of a woman, then the touch of a woman and finally the comfort of a woman’s love in a relationship. … Well, so much for that. I guess I’m just no good at relationships. Which sucks because I think they’re great for a few days, right at the beginning. After a few days they get so tired and boring and typical that I almost want to kill myself. Sometimes I think I’d have been better off if that’s exactly what I had done a year and a half ago. It’s like … AA...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Partners in every respect, Pisces and Joe have literally been inseparable since the moment they met, when they were twelve. Neither are capable of imagining a life apart. He followed her dream. She followed the stars. They build aquariums. Pisces' love is abysmal. Her love for Joe, shallow and misunderstood. Joe's may well be her antipode flooding her every moment in dote. On this one, typical, unexceptional, glassy evening, before the boilerplate sex on their wavy bed under the flat sheets s...
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Version 2
1 Review
1 Comment
Partners in every respect, Pisces and Joe have literally been inseparable since the moment they met, when they were twelve. Neither are capable of imagining a life apart. He followed her dream. She followed the stars. They build aquariums. Pisces' love is abysmal. Her love for Joe, shallow and misunderstood. Joe's may well be her anitpode flooding her every moment in dote. On this one, typical, unexceptional, glassy evening, before the boilerplate sex on their wavy bed under the flat sheets s...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
3 Reviews
3 Comments
Partners in every respect, Pisces and Joe have literally been inseparable since the moment they met, when they were twelve. Neither are capable of imagining a life apart. He followed her dream. She followed the stars. They build aquariums. Pisces' love is abysmal. Her love for Joe, shallow and misunderstood. Joe's may well be her anitpode flooding her every moment in dote. On this one, typical, unexceptional, glassy evening, before the boilerplate sex on their wavy bed under the flat sheets s...
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Almost seems like a thesaurus entry for "creativity". Maybe I just would have personally preferred a sentence but I think you captured one ideal of creative life.
I think there are some missing apostrophes. "day's", "plaintiff's", "others'". Been there so I can relate to the content. Trust can be very elusive. It thrives around freedom and comradeship. The misery, "ruin life for one and all", and self-denial, "Left at home to stew and boil", of this doodle isn't usually my taste but I know it can be cathartic. At any rate, I like the straightforward style. For me, it works great for this theme. Good luck
I'm more familiar with a "collision course" than a "collision path". That was distracting to me in an otherwise engaging opener. "I have the first three chapters, or the complete manuscript, ready ..." reads, to me, as if the complete manuscript is three chapters. I'm no expert but I think that condition doesn't require commas. For example, "I have either the first three chapters or the complete manuscript ready for your review." reads better to me.
I was very intrigued by the writing at the beginning. It was interesting reading but as it progressed, that style, which really made me feel like I was in the person's mind, changed to feel more like I was just reading someone's fantasy instead of their journal or thoughts. Great line: "I better get a damn good spot in Heaven". But that interesting passive-aggressiveness turned into pure cruelty. If that was intentional, that's fine but I lost interest because of it. Overall, I think you did ...
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