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nick_benedic's profile 
AGE:
100
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 11
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 11
I used to go to school, now I have a job. I walk around, occasionally dance, talk sometimes, sleep about 7 hours a night, eat in lots of restaurants, drink bourbon, play guitar, like children but have no desire to own one, read a lot, take photographs, write stuff. Once I was a seven year old boy. Later on I was twenty-eight. I’m listening to X-Ray Spex at the moment. I generally shit once a day but urinate every couple hours. I think art is really swell but most other things are highly over-rated.
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14 Reviews
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He said his name was Ray. He said a lot of things: the way the hills rise up purple in the spring dawn the way the golden flame kisses frost from barren soil the way swelling shoots thrust tender through warming earth the way the quickening stream sings tenor beneath the last thin skin of winter He said his name was Ray. Child that I was I listened: plucked blossoms and knit them fragrant in my hair laughed and danced and spun circles in the ripening meadow ran fingers through feathered gras...
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Version 1
14 Reviews
4 Comments
Sometimes out of the corner of my mind I see a memory of chestnuts and wet dog And Paris in the spring, Musical and promenading; And you in Sunday’s chiffon dress With a sprig of bluebells in your hair. And I wonder, really wonder, If I turned around, And if I turned around, Would I see someone there Or something there, Silently smiling with cinnamon eyes?
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Version 1
14 Reviews
0 Comments
In the velvet dark - An exuberance of tree frogs, tiny, invisible, rhythm section of night’s symphony; a cricket sings arias to the moon.
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Version 1
14 Reviews
0 Comments
Music Tonight at dinner, I turned to you As I always turn to you Every night. Every night. How is it that my words, These words that echo So loudly in my mind, How is it that these words Vanish so completely In the thick silence Of our evening? Must it always be That even the richest wine Turns brown and thin In the dim blue Of twilight? I do not accept this. You are the blood that gives melody To the rhythm of my heart.
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Version 1
12 Reviews
0 Comments
Wrote. Wept. Laughed. Wrote some more.
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nice words. You might think about changing line 17 to read: "fonder of fool , a fiddlehead buffoon" ;-> nick
I don't think you need "With hate" in the fifth line. It might be stronger to just say "I corked my veins...". Also, you might think about changing line 20 to read "but gills create"; it doesn't seem like you need the pronoun there. nick
I disagree with some of the other people who reviewed this in that I think the second stanza is really strong. I also don't think it feels incomplete. Your imagery - purple flowers on the walls, sand in the bedsheets - is excellent and really evocative. I like the fact that you don't give too many specific details about yourself or the relationship - poetry at its best paints a picture and lets the reader fill in "the story". The only line that I didn't much like is the final one in the first...
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