nimperiale's profile
AGE:
45
LOC: Longwood, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 19
LOC: Longwood, FL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 19
I am a 43, mother of three, 20-year journalist, cancer survivor, thrillseeker. I studied fiction writing under the incredible Janet Burroway at Florida State and now I’m writing a novel. I’m a hell of a copy editor and content editor, and as a writer I’m nearly peerless. My stuff is just damn good.
Oh yeah, and my milkshake? It brings all the boys to the yard.
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Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
Finally realized – Surprise! -- one plus one doesn’t Always give you two Sand slips through fingers But it’s a tricky thing for Us to accomplish The waves come and go Just like this topic Of conversation Waves roar to the shore Then tumble, spent, on the sand Like our desires I wish I could make Everyone agree with me; But what fun is that? The sea’s always there; Whether you go to see it Is not its concern It doesn’t matter The ocean is there whether You want it or not It doesn’t matter; The...
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This to me does what a great poem should do: illuminate an experience with such precision and creativity that it is both immediately recognizable and surprisingly fresh. I really felt it. Nice work.
This is a compelling topic and your feelings ring true. I feel for your loss. That said, as a reader you need to give me more to hold on to. You know the age-old advice for writers: Show, don't tell. You're telling. Show me how it feels to lose someone who lives far away. Do you start to call them and then realize you can't? Do you email them and then realize they're not there. Paint me some pictures. Tell me why you miss these people so much. Loss is a universal subject, and a writer who can...
Get rid of the run-on sentences and grammar mistakes. I started to feel nauseous reading this, not because of the content, but the run-on sentences drive me nuts!! I couldn't complete your review. Too hard to read.
Benji, is there any way you can break this up into paragraphs? I just can't read it otherwise, and I'd like to. That said, I did read it anyway. You've got major grammar problems and run-on sentences. Break it into graphs and I'll help you fix that. I like the attitude and the voice. A lot. I like the inside look at the music biz, and your obvious passion for the subject. But please make this more readable or you won't have any readers. Break it into grafs and fix the errors.
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