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nixee's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: Tucson, AZ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 04
LOC: Tucson, AZ
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: March 04
In the past, I have not consider myself a writer, but in times of emotional extremes it has become my one true outlet. An adversary with no prerequisites. If my world, words are small masks hiding the truth of our lives. In writing, I have found my unmasked style. Unmasked words off my pages weave a tale from the sorrowful to bliss. I have never shared my writings before now, and I am looking forward to the opportunity to see what others have to say about my words.
Items
Version 4
9 Reviews
0 Comments
Your love is conditional There is no grace in your heart Your eyes weigh heavy; Pierce deep into my soul. Your words spoken are empty-hollow- The love behind them replaced. Are you Angry? Are you Resentful? Your silence shares no secrets. It would be easy to strut about, believe In my mind your words don’t exist Walk about free, light hearted Yet, that would pierce my heart deeper Your actions speak “hate” Your words grace with tolerance. Fly away, my heart Free yourself from this torment. Bu...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Your love is conditional There is no grace in your heart Your eyes weigh heavy; Pierce deep into my soul. Your works spoken are empty-hollow- The love behind them replaced. Are you Angry? Are you Resentful? Your silence shares no secrets. It would be easy to strut about, believe In my mind you words don’t exist Walk about free, light hearted Yet, that would pierce my heart deeper Your actions speak “hate” Your words grace with tolerance. Fly away, my heart Free yourself from this torment. But...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Your love is conditional There is no grace in your heart Your eyes way heavy; Pierce deep into my soul. Your works spoken are empty-hollow- The love behind them replaced. Are you Angry? Are you Resentful? Your silence shares no secrets. It would be easy to strut about “Your don’t exist” Walk about free , light hearted Yet, that would pierce my hear deeper Your actions speak “hate” Your words grace with tolerance. Fly away, my heart-free yourself from this torment. But--I stay Hoping to be wel...
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Reviews
i can see this as a part of a larger story, i may have more feeling for Dowen if i had some better background on him, I might even care he is a hypochondriac. i know you wanted to make it funny, but i didn’t really find it funny.
i enjoyed how your focus was on the taking of the blood, and not on how is was agents some code. from this point of view i shouldn’t care about the meal, and i didn’t, i especially became more in tune with him at the point he no longer cared that he would struggle to survive... I do think dark unvisited section of my mind is a bit cliché.
the last line breaks up the flow of the poem. its seems odd to move from conversing about gods to being in padded room, bring more transition between the 2 parts.
creative, did you intend to spell people wrong, probably- seem to be the general theme. boy is spelled with a u. my favorite is spear brits knees. the end seam strange, why are you mocking yourself.
It has a good start, but it needs length. you jump from one idea to the next. you have broken you piece into 3 separate parts, but the stuff in each part seems to easily fit into the others. Make the 3 sections more defined. Its almost if you took a hole lot of great one-liners and made them into one poem, their is little cohesion. Build a story around your lines, or make the point of your poem more clear. From what I see you are having a one night stand, and then take some kind of drug that ...
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