I like your openness, but your writing could really use some attention to detail. For instance, you say you don't like Vodka, but you give no real reason as to why, or the legality of your drinking vodka. I sense there's a story there, but you don't pay any attention to it. Much of journaling is about paying attention to all the little things, the details. That's what sets good journals apart from mediocre ones. WHY are you a jeans and t-shirt type of girl? Do you dislike dresses? Do you thin...

I don't usually like rhyming poetry. Verse is usually beaten to death by poetry classes, to the point where it tends to read like something by Dr. Seuss. But I didn't mind this so much. Your rhyme varies in complexity, from the mundane to the intellectual. For example, your rhyme of pace and grace in the first stanza is rather rudimentary, but your rhyme of vanished and diminished in the second stanza is very strong. I also felt you paid attention to the content and let it direct your poem, u...

I felt this was rather simplistic verse. A lot of the rhyme was rather rudimentary and often lacked any musical flow. The 4th stanza was particularly clunky and didn't flow. "Inability to define reality, Documents his fate. Visions of confusion and illusion, Often misunderstood and irate. The armor deteriorates," <--- Here you start the 5th stanza and almost rhyme deteriorates with irate. It just doesn't work. It carries no tension. If you insist on writing verse, study rap music. Clearly,...

Kinda vague. Is can not two words?

Line 1: misspelling of "through". Why the choice to start line 3 capitalized? In fact, the decision to start every line with a capital causes difficulty in reading. Starting with a capital is a way to emphasize a line or text. If you use it everywhere, it loses its effect and does the opposite by causing a distraction from the flow of your poem. I like the alliteration in "I drink and smoke and Wonder if a friend will show." It's not a blatant rhyme, which is nice. Subtlety gives it value. I'...

I really feel like you have a firm grasp of what poetry is based on this poem. You're rhymes are subtle, rather than devolving into childish verse. Your descriptions are gorgeous and varied. What I love most about your style in this poem is that you have express something that cannot be taught: music. Your words flow like a song. It's something many people try to do their entire life and rarely accomplish well. That is your talent. I agree that your ending is a bit difficult and seems to come...

I think the opening of this chapter is somewhat weak. You could really start off the chapter on a stronger edge by starting with action and eliminating the first paragraph's exposition. Remember: Show, don't tell. For instance, you wrote: "He told all of them that no mercenaries had followed them from Havon. Sundra was glad that there were no one chasing them but Jorn didn’t seem to be relieved by that fact and he gave her a look of concern as he said the news." This would be more interesting...

This is quite simple, but also hauntingly deep and well-executed. The lines you have chosen to emphasize show a clear knowledge of good poetry, thankfully, finally. I don't understand why Odds in Favor is the title, because this doesn't seem to be about a vote or gambling, but rather there is the mathematical equation imagery that you illustrate quite well. The title doesn't do any justice to your thematics, but the poem is quite strong. The end is quite weak, and I suspect, purposefully done...