obscuredemerald's profile
AGE:
27
LOC: Yonkers, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: Yonkers, NY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: April 15
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Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
I stared at me today...the one in photographs...and she......she is no longer a stranger to me. Eyes no longer hollowed out and sinking. Her eyes show something else.... She sees life and she drinks it in... hesitant sips at first but at realization... she drinks abundantly from its spring. She smiles mischievously often while other times, her eyes are awash with love. She loves her friends, and she loves her blood kin. A deep breath in and the air is sweet... In the past, the ghost wandered ...
Version 1
4 Reviews
0 Comments
I'm sick, sick, sick my insides quell my stomach clenched, the thirst has not left... and i lift the glass once more he saw she saw they all saw what HE did. we'll raise a glass to him, our hero and give a sad glance to her, that pitiful, invisible antithesis of a heroine. She was not one for him to fight for... her tears and battles sought out for by him.... for now, we'll smile at her, and take her in and relish the sight of us in his gaze and his entertaining ways but of her? oh it's a sha...
Version 1
3 Reviews
2 Comments
This is the hour when I am beckoned A soft wind caresses playfully over my skin, over my lips with fingertips tingling.... I open my eyes and I am surrounded by the most beautiful of nature... the earth itself. The grass, prickly surrounding the trees in its sea of green while the foilage turns and sways, sighing in the wind. The darkest greens, metallic and haunting-- a sweet haven under the night sky. I purse my lips as a cold wind invades my skin to feel the blood in my being... I am, in f...
Version 6
9 Reviews
4 Comments
At the time of my conception, I existed not in the plane that we all live in presently. Before being bound in mortal constraints, all life started from a place that we have lost sense of since the very first breath taken of this world's air. The springs from whence we first began was the source of true beauty and light. It was a place where virtue was more than a thought or idea; it was a force with as much physical presence as physical beings, but without the limits of mortality. At the tim...
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
Where there was enchantment before, there is none here. I wait for the storm to come-- to wreak its havoc. I lust for it. I stand in wait for the angels to appear in their attire of dark and light ready to be stained with red. The trumpets sound --A war is to be had. Don't you feel your blood curdling? The time had come. The time is now. Ghosts lay to rest in glass coffins, icicle smoke fingers grazing the surface Wanting to reach out and touch soil but there is nothing. They are unlike the m...
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Reviews
This was amusing only in that it was unexpected for your story to turn the way it did. It appeared to be very informative at first, but then went strangely into mentioning something like Red Bull. That was pretty great, actually, and I enjoyed it. It was not written well, however with all of its grammatical errors. It would do well to clean that up a bit so it does not distract from the piece, itself. With some revision, this could be a good satyrical piece.
I don't find that this piece works as "journalism" until you get to the section of "Blatherings of the Less Young." Unfortunately, that whole coversation--whether it is a spoof or not-- is not very believable at all. People do not have spoken conversations in that way, nor should they have to. Even more so, a lot of those lines were run-on sentences that could've been broken down. The section where you write of how young people use acrnoyms to speak is one where the acronyms you have listed a...
This piece is definitely inspirational, but foremost, I must commend you on your imagination! I loved this piece. It may be preccocious to say so, but it reminded me of Plato's works on Socrates in the way that it is written and presented. It reminded me of the Bhagavadgita and of other older texts. The way that it is written is perfect for the sort of truth that you are looking to express and unveil. It is mysterious and makes one think. This would make a great book and I look forward to rea...
Not a bad story. It could use some work in punctuation at some points when it comes to commas. It could also use some work as far as transitions go while narrating from a first point of view. This would be great as a monologue that is listened to, but again, be careful with your punctuations. "It wasn’t always like this, I used to be a man" use a semi-colon instead. "But it remains death circling me. " This sentence is unclear, or needs revision. There are more sections of the story that need...
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