oldirty's profile

I love this story, I have loved it since the first time I read it. It's by far the most revealing of your stories. Maybe that's why it touches me so deeply. The feeling of mass confusion on the part of the authorities lends to the credibility of the setting. The only things I can nitpick on are technical, to say the least. I almost feel bad critiquing a piece of work with so much gut-wrenching effort poured into it. But if that's what it takes to get your work published, or at least polished...

This is somewhat reminiscent of some Cummings work with the vulgar, maybe even brutal, climax. I don't really see how "Mexican-Catholic" and "steel-worker father" serve the story, especially considering the word limit, but maybe it has some special meaning to you. Nor do I know about "best drabble" as this is the first piece I have ever read that followed this format. But all things considered, 10's. This is beautiful - no, poetic - in it's elegance and efficiency. By "sextuplet bastards" I w...

I've read this three times now and can find nothing to harp on. You totally got me with the ending, man. I'm still grinning! :) Thanks for a great piece. 10's!

The only thing I see is on page three: "...Jack Hemingway. I still hate name." You do an incredible job, in just ten pages, of pulling the reader kicking and screaming into your world. I particularly enjoyed the exploration of Nadine's smoking vis a vis "...room full of cancer patients...". It just struck me as a particularly honest passage; something you have witnessed first hand perhaps. Bottom line? I would love to read more of this! 10's :)