only_poet_in_utah's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Shingle Springs, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 19
LOC: Shingle Springs, CA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 19
I’m a thirty year old California transplant living the better part of the last decade in Utah. Who reads these fucking things anyway? Big cats in a small sandbox, you dig? Or is it the other way around?
Man, the lack of intellegent reads here on a “workshopping” website is a real drag. Why do you people bother?
If anyone knows the asshat Brien James Dawson, I’m sorry. He’s a real pompous ass. Don’t waste your time reading his works… they reflect that. This is all opinion, of course, not fact. If you’re in the mood to be insulted, though, drop in a line. He’s great at profanity and trying to belittle people. Though he’d probably have to look those words up in a dictionary…
Let the reviewing begin…
Reviews
The only "10" I've ever given to date. Often, we wonder, aren't we all just frugal bastards at heart? Kick ass satire!
What's up with the bazillion goals? Holy crap, that's some serious goal setting... Ok, I liked the poem. You took on love, which is a dangerous thing to do, since it has been beat to death by every poet and their dog. You did it in a general way, which is also dangerous, but I think you did it in a way to make this still a viable poem, with a few of your own thoughts breaking through. I was fairly original and fresh, so congrats for that. Very hard to do when writing about a broad theme. Watc...
Fantastic opening lines, the dichotomy between choosing death and manufacturing heaven. This was very effective in drawing me in. I liked the style this was written in, and the use of minimal imagery was also effective. Beyond that, what are you trying to say in the second stanza? I thought, at first, that you were praising the manufactured heaven, that this was a desirable thing (see: "a special place where / all prayers are answered). So I was thrown when you describe reaching for the needl...
Good, strong poem. The major theme I took from this was one of redemption, a release from the everyday troubles we face. The idea that there is a "redeamer," one who can release us from our troubles and re-grow our wings is a very powerful idea. The only suggestion I can make is that it seems a bit disjointed, but that may have been intentional. This works, but it still kind of drew me a way from the flow of the poem. I was reading in sections, rather than being drawn from line to line, idea ...
Hmmm... makes me think. The message is a pretty obscure one. Are you trying to say that all life is just a step between birth and death? Or that dying is a fitting end to the life we live? This is sort of what I got from the description of the ants carrying away the bits of corpse to their nest, and I loved the end of the line "corpse and nest, meat, hive." Though, frankly, "nest" and "hive" are pretty much the same thing. Here are a couple of suggestions of things I think might strengthen th...
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