onlyadreamer's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: Bremerton, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 05
LOC: Bremerton, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 05
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Items
Version 1
16 Reviews
1 Comment
They were down by three in the bottom of the ninth. The leadoff had singled, and the batter after him singled too. The next two guys struck out. And the third walked. The bases were loaded with two outs, and he was up. The game was on the line, but it wasn’t that important. They had won the first two games of the series and this game didn’t mean much to the first place team. The manager would let the kid hit if he felt he could handle it. The manager called him over from the dugout steps. “Do...
Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
Look at them Striving to be pretty Starving to be thin Where do they think it'll get them? How could they benefit from this? Bony wrists Hallow cheeks Thin waists Stick legs Maybe they'll make the cover Of the latest magazine Too bad the article Will detail their recent passing Why is it this way? What compels these poor girls? Why can't they be happy With the bodies they were born in? It's no reflection of soul These useless outer shells They should try just as hard To improve the inside ins...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Kissing a boo-boo takes away the pain The unstoppable urge to dance in the rain Playing pretend, playing house Reading stories about cats or a mouse Simple toys to strengthen the mind Every treasure hunt leads to a special find Perfect joy in everyday Picking flowers in the month of May Wearing shorts and a t-shirt when the weather is mild All this, the honesty of a child Maybe love can take away the pain We should cherish the gift of the rain Creativity, imagination Books can provide a relax...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Love is a four letter word, Forbidden from these lips of mine. Love cannot be spoken, It's misused all the time. Love is uncontrollable, You can't turn it off or on. Love is unpredictable, Here, and then the next day, gone. Love cannot be tested, That much I know is true. Love is only shown By the way you love me and I love you. Love is a four letter word, The password of the heart’s doors. Love is only what you make it, So this day make it yours.
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
somewhere behind these words lies all my dreams you can never see my thoughts you will never know you are my sunshine i don't want you to give up i just want you to give there's got to be a better way you can't leave me here alone some things are better left unsaid why can't you hear how i feel? my only sunshine i don't want you to give up i just want you to give in i know how you're feeling it's that hungry look in your eyes there's more to the world than this little town you gotta discover ...
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Another interesting chapter. Miranda is a very complex character. I like that. Just one little grammar thing: In the sentence "This type of work it is so rewarding", take out the "it" of course and you're all fixed up. Can't wait for the next chapter!
A decent start. But it still needs work. You have way too many commas in places that need a period. Separate your thoughts. You're pretty young, so keep at the writing and I bet someday you will go far.
Carrie, as usual you are crazy. This is a crazy story. Amusing, but sometimes I worry about your mental health. Don't stop using Urbis! Otherwise I'd never read this craziness of yours! So post the next chapter! NOW!
Good start to a story, though I wonder how the second chapter will tie in after you have killed everyone. Just a few grammatical things. Several times you write "thru", though it should be "through". In the sentence, "Driven onward to try more rare, intricate and dangerous spells, Rak tried The Last Wish.", technically, "more rare" should be "rarer". And in the sentence, "From his mouth sprang runes as fast as the master had ever heard then spoken.", obviously you have a mistype of "then" whe...
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Very entertaining story. I'm very intrigued and I look forward to reading more. Just a couple little things: I think when you said "proscribed" you meant "prescribed" when you were talking about the book of motivational phrases. Keep up the good writing and you have great story starting here.
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