onlywish's profile

Looks like you were forced to chose between writing and ? the writing loses. Very well done. It tells a life story in six words. Excellent.

This is a great start to a poem, but in haiku/senryu you need to use certain structure. The basic 5-7-5 3 line syllables, but not always. To manipulate the words/syllables correctly you need to study haiku. The basics are.. lines 3 first line 5 syllables second 7 third 5 A reference to nature and two line make the third true. The, I, All, too, to and with are filler words. Try to use words that convey your feeling without telling the whole message and meaning.

My first read of the story left me with a jagged, disjointed feeling. This impression was right, but my reasoning was wrong. Flash fiction is written with word limits. When reading your story all I thought about was the choppy feel and the author was doing this for the number of words allowed. Paying no attention to the story. After reading the story two more times. not that I had to, but wanted to. The main character who's name is never mention (Buck, The New) I felt an emotional tie with. T...

You have a good start, but you tell us the whole story in three lines (not easy to do) not good in haiku. Let the reader find the meaning to your writing. You Do Not need the word "tight" if you use "white knuckled hands" it tells the same thing.The latter tells us in more detail.

You wanted to know how this made me feel. Well I felt nothing. The writing is good and the verses run seamlessly, but I have read before. Maybe not word for word, yet close enough. (Your eyes are like ice that burn my very soul) I just don't get a happy or sad feeling. Maybe a smile but that's as far as it goes. It seems so 80's