It's nice to see the traditional form of haiku. It is by far the hardest to write. I can see the what you are trying to achieve. I have a couple of thoughts. First line - the word (Nature's) Feels generic. Nature does not always warm. It can be cold and brutal. Second line - (coloring) Could you describe the color. (red wine slowly blush pale cheeks) Just a thought. Third line - The connection is hard to see. You have made the first and second lines human in nature. Now you need to show the c...

The sarcastic humor of the first two lines are only out done by the visual aid of the last. This is a good find.

This is interesting but hard to read. Yet you managed to keep my attention. The first page shows you have talent when it comes to description. The first paragraph although raw has good details about about the man. This gives the reader some thing to visualise. There are also many good lines mixed in between the the sentences where you seem to get bored. My major concern is with all the (He did this or he did that) reads more like a director giving direction to an actor in a movie based on a s...

I suck as a reviewer but I think you might enjoy it. I rated my review skills low. I wanted to be honest. By the way How did you know I had big feet? You hit the mark when you wrote in time line. There is something for everyone to relate to. (8:30AM:) (8:45AM) The 15 min intervals in posting no matter the length or what you are doing in between reviewing or writing still has me laughing. Writing humor/sarcasm is an art all onto itself. Which you have mastered in Journal, Diary, & Blogging. I ...

While reading your story I felt as if I were watching a docudrama. Done in black and white. And stop action photography. Especially with Amiri and his father. When you describe the physical action in the story the film in my head speeds up. There is not a lot of descriptive imagery, but the story manages to show great emotion in the most basic ways. The dialogue on the first page felt forced and unreal. That is the only spot this happens for me. The more I read the better the writing became. ...

All I could think when reading the last line was "Oh Shit" and laughing at the same time. Never jump to a conclusion. I counted 101 words. You used periods instead of commas between Brunette. Curvy. Smart. Beautiful. Fertile. Rich. Is this something new to writing or am I seeing things wrong? Trenton's head imploded. Is hysterical.

Spring - Natures call - seems redundant and to broad a word at the same time. The imagery is wonderful. Summer - the second line - to, the, and of. Are wasted syllable. Burning, toasted and fire are basically saying the same thing. But it does make the last line eatable. Fall and winter are both wonderful. Your description are true to nature and haiku.

Amusing yes. Have I read it before. Yes and No. I believe it follows a country song. (Save a horse ride a cowboy) Not sure of Song Title? or singer. It does work as a cult saying.

You use a shorter syllable structure. Then the 5-7-5-7-7. It caught me off guard. But works well. There is a good message and it's almost perfect. You could take some of the smaller words and combine the syllable (on,in,and,and a) to give your tanka a 3 dimensional feel. L2 - trees outline granite L3 - morning light sculpts Bad suggestions, I do like the tanka. don't make it to clear or all the fun and fascination are taken away.

I wanted to get to the meat of the flash fiction faster then it was allowing. I am sorry. I don't mean to be cruel. For a flash story it's a bit wordy and drags on. If this was part of a short book it would have excellent detail and imagery. Your word choice gets the reader on the beach and involved in the story. But there is no shocking moment or moment that made me think "WOW I get it" "I never saw that coming"