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onsay's profile
AGE:
20
LOC: Finland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 26
LOC: Finland
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 26
by city amsterdam i sat and thought i am going to write a story about this city in a screaming language, sparkling dutch. i’m a writer or at least i’d like to introduce myself as a vibrant, staggering writer who keeps telling tales about cities who fall in love with someone who falls in love with them. a moonstricken and timeworn boy. eighteen flowering springs have been passed by in the absence of a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
i’m a lover of vivacious, spirited cities who i think of minute after minute. been to flowering amsterdam; staggering durban; lonely naples; good-natured ham…
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Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
durban is a strange, extraordinary city in a way that i cannot describe in detail. aesthetic, vicious and lonely. her way to treat different kind of people is amazingly grievous to see and, when you realize that it is not her fault, you're forced to say sorry, i am truly sorry. she tries to take care of you but there are too many people to be taken care of, too many human beings are vulnerable in her heart, too many people spit on her face to show their disappointment and only a handful of pe...
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
- look at me. - i am looking. - closer, you cannot see me well enough. - i can see you even if my eyes were closed. - no one is capable of doing that, dear. - i am. - you say so. - indeed i do. - how well can you see the world when your eyes are closed? - the only thing that i can see, when i close my eyes, is you. - flattering. -why did you want me to look at you? - if i know someone is looking at me, i do not forget that i exist.
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
- look at me. - i am looking. - closer, you cannot see me well enough. - i can see you even if my eyes were closed. - no one is capable of doing that, dear. - i am. - you say so. - indeed i do. - how well can you see your eyes closed? - the only thing that i can see when i do not see is you. - flattering. -why did you want me to look at you? - if i know someone is looking at me, i do not forget that i exist.
Version 3
3 Reviews
0 Comments
your words surely can break my clavicles and you wouldn't even hear the crack. as you sit in the corner i smile and ask if you want to love me. no reply. your screaming silence determinedly crushes my segregated heart. stretch your lungs you demand and i can't help myself asking how i'm suppose to continue breathing. "imagine that you're drowning - how are you going to breathe?"
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
your words surely can break my clavicles and you wouldn't even hear the crack. as you sit in the corner i smile and ask if you want to love me. no reply. your screaming silence determinedly crushes my segregated heart. stretch your lungs you demand and i can't help myself asking how i'm suppose to continue breathing. "imagine that you're drowning - how are you going to breathe?"
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Reviews
that's quite well written. i like the idea behind the quote, i like the words that you've used, i actually like everything about your quote. amazing.
i don't know if this works very well. it's too long and the "i.e." part kills the quote quite fast. there's a magical idea behind the quote but i don't see the message is strong enough to make people think. and it doesn't amaze people. most probably i have already forgotten the quote tomorrow and it makes the quote quite weak; if it was stronger, i would think of this tomorrow, too.
Mh. This is very ordinary. I don't see anything special about this quote. It's true and it works very well as an advice but there's no beauty or something extra-ordinary behind the words.
this is very true poem first of all. and i think it works quite well. i can relate to the poem and it also makes me kinda sad to realize that would i do then if let go of all, that makes me sane. i have not thought about that before. there's a nice idea behind the poem and i'm quite sure that many people who love music as much as you do would absolutely love this poem. i'm not sure if you've chosen the best possible words to describe your feelings. right now you've used pretty easy/simple wor...
this is cute but not very stunning, astonishing. and i'm not sure if love is easy to start.
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