Overall I think this is very well written for your audience. I am an assitant homeschool teacher and work with children 6-16. This story is the type of thing I would read with the little ones, and believe that not only would it entertain them, but they love dinosaurs and I think could relate well. While reading it I kept getting really cute illustrations in my head. One constructive thing though is that I feel the story jumps a little between "“Don’t eat me!” he cried and jumped out the windo...

I like you concept of starting each story with the same "Do you know why..." question. That's a great way to link a series together. You said that you were revamping Amerindian folklore for a younger generation to understand and I have to give kudos for that. All in all the story flowed really well and even though I can't bring to mind the original folklore, this version was easy to follow and seems suitable for kids. There are a few minor typo errors such as: "With lightning flashing, the ma...

I understand that this was a 30 second, no editing, just let it flow poem, but to me this seems too scattered for that to work. if you were to rework this and add to the imagery and give it more substance it could work well...and you spelled fields wrong.

having not read any versions before this i can't make any comparisons for better or worse, but i will say that i like this first chapter. i feel you have a unique voice and definetly would read more if you posted it. i felt like your dialog flowed well and seemed realistic, which i think is difficult for amateurs to acheive. one question though, what age range (if any) are you aiming to write for?

i like this piece. it makes me think of shell silverstein in a way. i can relate. i have a step-son who i swear would stay on his x-box not realizing that the power has gone out.

this would work really well as a picture book. you do a great job with imagery and i like how you described each kind of giant and thier different weapons. i don't know what age group you are aiming for, but i homeschool a 6 and 8 year old who would have fun reading it.

this is very powerful. the language you've chosen has you come across as a strong and confident writer. the first two stanzas i feel convey brilliantly the duality of motherhood, of womanhood. it's the too often unspoken truth in new mothers. kudos and bravo

I haven't quite made up my mind on this. I'm pretty sure I like it. I have a few things I'm not sure on though. Such as, what are you trying to convey to the child who would read this? Is there a moral of sorts? The closest I picked up on would be that things will eventually work out if you do them out of your heart, for love. But the feel i kind of got was here's this overweight not really liked child who has to change what he looks like in order to find love. Maybe that's not what you were ...

I understand that you are trying to tell the story of Dr. King's life, but when reading this I felt that it came off as more of a biography than a set of lyrics. What may help is to have it not so packed full of dates and statistical facts, maybe pick one or two periods of his life that you want to focus on and get more in depth on those. Some great metaphorical things can be done with the power his life held over society and the lasting influence of his words. Hope this helps some! Great start.

I like that you wrote this with your grandson in mind. Basing characters or situations off of real life people/events makes stories easier to swallow as reality. In this case, however, it feels as though you and i are sitting down to coffee and you're relaying the day's events. I think the moral of it is good, but the layout/style needs some work.