palecomparisons's profile
AGE:
23
LAST LOGIN: July 20
LAST LOGIN: July 20
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12 Reviews
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the leviathans must have curdled from the smut gathering in the troposphere, straddling under bleak winter heights – then, tangy & silent, water creaming under the phony bows of Lotos, brine popped the surface with the flowering surprise of perennials. they must have slid like wind in wheat-fields, must have supplely folded into subconscious shapes until the ocean fell awake &, sweat-soaked, checked the stars.
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"My grandma worked miracles, With her needle and a thread." Okay, this stanza has some flow issues. I suggest, "My grandma worked her miracles With needle and with thread." - "The treasures that she stiched, Were created with heart and head." Try substituting "created" with "made" for better flow. - "She made herself a patchwork quilt, For warmth on chilly night." I suggest: "She made herself a patchwork quilt, For comfort in the night." - Then felt a tugging in her gut, She really had a plig...
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