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patrick25402's profile
AGE:
35
LOC: Winchester, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
LOC: Winchester, VA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 15
I am a beach bum stuck in the cold country of Virginia. A big city guy in a small rural town. If you ask, I will tell you I would rather be sitting on a deck overlooking the ocean or in a penthouse overlooking NYC than where I am, but everyone has to make the best of what they have, so I here am, a divorced guy with an adorbale almost 6 year old little girl who I don’t get to see nearly enough. I am a music fanatic to the core, and I mean FANATIC. I listen to anything and everything except for rap (which I do not consider music). Most if not all of my blogs deal with music. I am also an avid movie goer, seeing anything, no matter how bad I know it will be.
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Words don't lie. This was something I had always believed in, and even as I stared down at the gold embossed lettering, I still believed it. The name was insignificant; it was the two words under the name. Two words no one ever wants to have presented to them. Words that are just another way to say failure. It was amazing how one little card could hold so much weight. "Did you call him yet?" Will, my best friend and confidant through the whole ordeal asked as he entered my office. "You really...
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"This incident reminds us that every moment it precious, that your friends and your enemies both feel the same emotions, and more importantly, that we have learned to work through this tragedy as one, and we will be stronger people for it in the future." My classmate was standing on the stage in front of the assembled crowd. I watched from the side stage, looking down at my notes, knowing that any minute, I would be in front of the same crowd, trying to give words that would both begin the he...
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“You can not feel love for another unless you feel love for yourself.” “Compassion starts from within.” “Inner beauty is the seed which cultivates outer beauty.” This last one was the one which made Ethan Ryan laugh the hardest. He was sure that the lucky bastard who was between the legs of the latest Hollywood tart wanted to know about her cultivating inner beauty. “These fucking things are a rip-off, why do you drag me to them every time?” Ethan asked his best friend Emma as she pulled him...
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XII My apartment was actually the upstairs of a house only few steps off campus. Although I was no longer a student, and had not been for 10 years, I enjoyed the lifestyle college offered and wanted to stay in that frame of mind as long as I could. I also enjoyed that the downstairs of the house was generally empty, because my landlord used it as his office and was rarely in town. So I had free reign to come and go as I pleased, to play the music as loud as I wanted and generally live in the ...
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VII It is not often I am surprised or caught off my guard. However, when I opened my apartment door, the scene that lay out before me was nothing short of shocking. “Now that is not the look of someone who is happy to see his old college friend” William smiled as he looked up at me from my black leather couch. “What the hell do you want?” I shot back. Not only did I not want to see him, but I especially did not want him here in my place considering where I had had to spend the morning. “Now i...
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Oh man, I want more!! Seriously, this is a great opening to a novel. You get into the main characters head quickly, and create sympathy for someone who could seen as unlikeable. The one suggestion I would have is take out the "I feel I should explain". It's not need. Simple go right into who Lorraine is, it will flow much better. Great start here, and let me know when you have more done on it.
You do a very realistic job of creating a fight scene. I was visualizing the entire scene in my head as I started reading this. My biggest problem (and I know what you said in your notes) is that it left me a little confused as to the time period of the setting and of the overall setting itself. By the end, I get the impression the fight takes place in a Central Park type setting, yet the weapons do not really lend to that. Would love to read this in its entirety to get the complete feel of w...
I really enjoyed this, because I too have a very un-politically correct mouth. In these sue happy, I need respect times, it is nice to read something like this and know I am not the only one out there that finds we have taken censorship a bit too far. You write from your heart and not your head, which is something many of today's young writers don't do. That is a good thing, because you don't seem to over-analyze things.
This was quite an enjoyable read for me. It is very hard to take something as ordinary as waiting for a pizza to be delivered and make it enjoyable. Adding the time into it was a very nice way to build a little suspense in the story, as well as keep it moving forward. Good job here, and keep on writing.
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