This is going to seem like nit-picking but cars of that time period had voltage regulators and generators, not altenators. Just something that snatched me out of the story. Also, I don't know if I'm miss reading it but in the first chapter I thought you said it had been fifty years after the War he was recounting this story and in this chapter you say thirty. It might have been you were descibing two seperate events twenty years apart but you probably want to check that for continuity's sake....

Very funny little tale. One problem I have, tho', is that the character of Nate is a little too unrealistic and cliche. A little like Bert Gummer from Tremors but not as funny. I also think the references to Ruby Ridge and Waco were a bit much but thougfht you covered the overreaction of the authorities great. The low level bureucrats to tend to get worked up over minor things like this. Overall, very cool story of suburan life and look forward to reading more-peace

First off, I had to break out the Kleenex on this. A very moving and emotional story. Thought you captured the situation flawlessly. I was thrown off by the pacing. The lack of a time frame threw me off a bit. This seemed to be writen in a journal style which is a very good way to describe what happened to this poor child. But I think if that's what you were going you might want to put dates at the begining of each paragraph like they were indeed new entries. Again, excellent story. Look fo...

I think the storytellers is an interesting addition but there are certain things I don't like about it. First, her being alive for several millenia seems too far fetched, even for fantasy. Have her alive for, say, 400-500 years, would be a bit more plausable, especially since later one you make it seem Ashley ages about 1/3 as fast as humans(althought it might slo more as they get older. I don't know yet). Also you might want to make the gatherings every hundred years as well. I think also t...

First off, this confused the hell out of me and didn't keep my attention at all. I didn't like the switch to a diary format. I can see your going for a stream of conscience thing but in my opinion, it doesn't work. Is the protagonist supposed an Englishman in America? Don't know too many New Yorkers who refer to sausage and mashed potatoes as bangers and mash. And is the line about the Yankees and the Bills playing each other a clue to the reader that he's a foreigner and really doesn't quit...

Writing the review as I read so bear with me.The first part about the dream was a bit cliche and slow. Not like your other works which grab you and suck you into the characters world. Didn't like how you felt you needed to expain who was who in your cat and mouse game.It seemed needles and a bit insulting to the intelligence of the reader.I think something like this might work better: 'It was almost like they were toying with her, playing a sadistic game of cat and mouse. Taunting her, waiti...

I don't know if stuff got left off when you down loaded or my comp is acting funny, but it seems the ending is missing. James just smashes through the window. Where's the fun? Anyway, I liked this story. An iteresting what if? type of thing. I can actually see some of Edison's assistants being intriuged by Shelley's work and trying something like that. Excellent concept. Little things like using six-shooter instead of revolver threw off the timing for me. I also think you could add either t...

TOO DAMN SHORT! I want more! Excellent work, my friend. Your way with detail is excellent as usual. You hooked me big time. Can't wait for more-B

Very interesting read. The end kind of caught me by surprise even though I was expecting something of a twist. I think there was a little too much description in the first paragrapg. It actually slowed me down to the point where I almost stopped reading. I think it would be better to start with your second paragraph the put a pared down first paragraph after it. Overall, a well down story and one I think that shows humanities obsession with money and thinks over people. Good work.

Sorry, but the only way I see to help this is to cut it up. If I started to read this in a bookstore I'd put it down and try another author. And you say Bloomville too many times.