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peacemeal's profile
AGE:
22
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 03
LOC: Bellingham, WA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 03
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Version 2
1 Review
0 Comments
"Good morning poem" I rip it out of my veins like money on fire set it on the page like the page is a piece of magic wax that restores burnt money. Break my line, break it again. This thing and I are for sale.
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Version 1
12 Reviews
2 Comments
Episode One: The Doll Maker At some point they got tired of making an effort. Of course there were the few men, as there always had been, that still enjoyed the chase – that knew and craved what it was to fall in love. Those men remained the same, and never bought the dolls.I don’t know how long ago it happened, to tell you the truth I don’t know why I am writing about it. I adore the fact that dolls exist. Only recently, I have been wondering if perhaps the dolls are human after all. I have...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
"Good morning poem" I rip it out of my veins like money on fire set it on the page like the page is a piece of magic wax that restores burnt money. Break my line, break it again. This thing and I are for sale.
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Reviews
Nice poem, nice poem. What does the title have to do with it? I like the title, but it muddles the message. The word you is sticking out at me. Is the lover spra*w*led out for me? Is a part of me dead? Are the first three lines absolutely necessary?
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This is good but it could be better. I think that you should offset that dedication in a different way other than bolded letters. I also think that you could add stanzas - I think this could be four stanzas four lines each.
I don't really think that the epigraph is accomplishing anything. I think your poem would stand much better without it. The advent of what? Advent of terrorism? I feel like that word is also out of place. And why have a numbering system if there is no two? I feel like the structure of your third stanza needs re-working, and this could be done by moving the words aroung the line breaks. Plus, things move in poetry, or at least we'd like them to. Where does galileo come from? And I think the fi...
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