Good theme and dialogue feels real enough with your characters. I do get a bit confused at the focus of the writing. Would like to see the characters described way more so that your reader fully can envision them and their surroundings. You may want to revisit your plot. You have what I call, talent in the raw. It's there and I know it can become shiny - merely needs practice. Keep on re-reading aloud, then re-edit as you feel you should. You'll be very good I'm certain.

Oh my gosh, as a reader - and a woman - this is awesome. I can't believe that I just said the word 'awesome' as I'd never do that. But it actually gave me goose bumps and I re-read it twice more with each read receiving the same. Your imagery and the way your words just fell off my lips was remarkable. And the title is so perfect - you write this splendidly as the "eye of a camera" would see it. And as a woman, I remark fully that one can tell easily and without doubt that you are thoroughly ...

Good poem overall, with a couple of possible exceptions. Meaning is deep, the flow isn't bad but in a couple of spots it feels too forced. i.e., Could you see the pain I’ve endured, denied the joy that I am well dued? and: For their marks upon my skin, tell of woes you must akin. Your meaning is understood but feels coerced. I do think that a bit of revision will make this superb. Good job.

The writing is quite good. My absolutely favorite line: Life too often feels as though I’m stacking grains of sand amidst the vastly rolling dunes of eternity. It's just wonderful with imagery, intensity and meanings that can be interpreted and reinterpreted. The poem is very good - I re-read several times always coming up with a slightly different take. Good writing should do this, especially if it's deep enough. You have talent and I'd say keep revisiting this, revising it and honing your c...

This writing with plot and characterization is very good. I caution you, however, to re-read aloud and edit/revise. It could use condensing. In some places you have too many words describing actions. Too much narrative and your reader will not pursue the conclusion, which is really worth reading. This could be done by showing through your characters rather than telling what's happening. It keeps the readers interested instead of being bored. Also remember to speak as the character would. They...

I find this writing quite interesting. Not trivialized as I first thought it would be, but rather nurturing to the reader's interest in new info. It's not only easy to read, it delivers a newness, and familiarity with things and people (mention of John Grisham's usage). I found myself laughing aloud at: "There are several stories about that first bite. One being, two young kids on a date where the boy was so nervous, he poured his salad dressing over his pizza accidentally and to save face, a...

This is quite good. It led me to your front door and I wanted more; I wanted to peek into the room of writings. I love that 1st line! And I can "see" or envision this as a dance explained. I believe you've accomplished what you set out to do. If there is anything I'd like to change, it would be to add to this. Perhaps a bit short, I have lots of questions and no answers. But this is very good.

Excellent work as a blog or otherwise. Often the best writing, the best reporting, is uncharacteristically sincere with immediate reply of your visions and thoughts. I think that if this is true writing, then it will cast opinions and descriptions and limitations without end. It is descriptive; simple yet thorough. If I had to pick one thing I find left hanging it is the last sentence. It strikes for the dramatic, but it leaves me lifeless. What is it's intention? It does not bear witness to ...

Good rhythm and descriptors. It's enjoyable - a quick read. I'd reflect more on the re-editing and stanza placement. It feels just a bit forced, as in: This place it is dark, but it is home together we can coexist together we can be great And the stanzas seem to change a bit more than they should with each ensuing one. I believe this is good writing and focus. You have the talent, perhaps with a bit more reflecting on revision and concise eloquence. Good job.

This writing is actually good, though I think could undergo a bit of re-editing. You are passionate with verbiage as in: My mind feels unrestrained with with my stressful pain. How many of us can relate to that!! And People don’t understand me and think me unkind, along with How am I supposed to unwind are great together. That's what I personally would like to see more of. The gathering of your thoughts to empower this writing more than it is. I enjoyed it -