pell39's profile

pell39 avatar
AGE: 42
LAST LOGIN: October 23

I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts and reading your work.I’m just trying to get better at what I love to do. To do that I believe you have to put yourself out there, so…here I am.
Peace,
-E  

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Items
Short Story / Another Fine Day
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
And so it begins again. Another day, another dollar as the saying goes, as if I could be so lucky. I watch the parade of pant legs and shoes flicker past the mesh of branches that is my window, a red paten leather pair, straps going up the ankle catching my eye. They seem out of place running for the 7:10am bus. What I wouldn’t give to be shackled to the daily grind of a 9 to 5. Freedom, it’s overrated. I am suddenly aware of the damp, cold, earth in my bones, radiating through the double sta...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / The Weaver's Tale-Chp1 revised
Version 2
1 Review   2 Comments
A breeze rippled through the brittle leaves of the old trees standing like sentinels around a grassy hill. Long green blades swaying gently added texture to the wind’s quiet song. Evening came as the sun slowly dipped into the woods on the far horizon, splashing the sky in brilliant hues of orange and pink. A lone figure stood on the crest of the ancient hill his back to the sun. From far off he might have been mistaken for an onyx statue or the shattered remains of a tree trunk left jutting ...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / The Weaver's Tale-Chp1 revised
Version 1
12 Reviews   2 Comments
A breeze rippled through the brittle leaves of the old trees standing like sentinels around a grassy hill. Long green blades swaying gently added texture to the wind’s quiet song. Evening came as the sun slowly dipped into the woods on the far horizon, splashing the sky in brilliant hues of orange and pink. A lone figure stood on the crest of the ancient hill his back to the sun. From far off he might have been mistaken for an onyx statue or the shattered remains of a tree trunk left jutting ...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Sci Fi & Fantasy / Pooh in Meatspace (part 2)
Well, I was a bit distracted by all the laughing. The only thing I can really think to say is that maybe the large block of him remembering their childhood could be interspersed with the dialogue a little more, it kind of long compared to the rest of the piece and begins to feel like an interruption, stopping the stories flow. A minor point perhaps, and maybe not so thoughtful, but what can I say, I was laughing. I have every intention of reading your other postings. This is stright up fun!
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I don't know if I'm qualified to critique this but I would simply say; lovely.
First off I'm glad it's working out for your son. As for the writing, I think the narrative is pretty good but the dialgue is a bit stiff, it just feels uncomfortable and, honestly, false. It just doesn't sound like real people talking. I haven't read your other submissions but I can't say that I feel like I've missed something. Again the narrative is nice but the story just didn't hold my interest.
Short Story / Memory of a Mother
The writing is good but the story is a bit of a jolt (not in the best way) their walking on the beach and suddenly she's dieing of a tumor. The transistion is awkward. First it's a nice simple narrative, then suddenly we get a shot of information, (I'm a five year old boy) which doesn't seem natural and in turn makes us feel we've been set up when we discover his mom dies. The result it not the emotional effect I think you were trying for. There's a lot of story between the discovery that he'...
Short Story / Wishing on Airplanes
I like the pace and tone of the piece. It's very well written. I don't speak french but I can guess at the meaning...still, I wonder if I'm right. Nice work.
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