penkey00's profile
AGE:
19
LOC: LA, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 18
LOC: LA, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 18
Am 19 years old now, well not for long. crying I want to stay 19, oh well moving on, there not much for me to say. I just write and I don’t know why…
Items
Version 2
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Do you know how much I hurt? After you came and left me all broken Leaving me all alone to face the emptiness you created The scar you made from a wound that you caused You hurt me with your words and feelings of hate But when you used your fist and raised your hand at me I learned of a new type of pain one that hurt my body and mind How much I hurt is it something you created? Out of spite for the love you thought you never had I guess you were the one in pain all along even if I am the one ...
Version 1
1 Review
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I want to tell you what I felt Yet when I did nothing changed You left for another Fearing I never felt the same You never did a thing To show how much you cared Till my lips can touch yours I keep deep within me My love for you till I can show How much I truly care about you My one regret Was not telling you any sooner That I wanted one kiss To show you I loved you
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Do you know how much I hurt? After you came and left me all broken Leaving me all alone to face the emptiness you created The scar you made from a wound that you caused You hurt me with your words and feelings of hate But when you used your fist and raised your hand at me I learned of a new type of pain one that hurt my body and mind How much I hurt is it something you created? Out of spite for the love you thought you never had I guess you were the one in pain all along even if I am the one ...
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
I want to kiss you (Lying to you with just one move) To touch your lips (Making you believe a lie) To make you understand (To convince you of one thing) How I feel about you (To make you believe I care) With just one kiss (With just one kiss)
Version 1
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Today you love me Tomorrow I won't know Each day that passes You change You feel something new With everyday How can you know? If you don't feel Today they love you Tomorrow who knows? No one loving someone For more than one day Only loving anyone When the times feel right Only just for one day You actually care
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Reviews
I read it twice, it feel like your talking to yourself or your younger yourself. I really liked it.
This isn't depressing, I like it, In fact that it tells a story. But maybe you can use stronger words next time.
where you wrote ppl can stare, how about rewriting it to the word "they" because it goes better with rhythm of this poem. Overall I enjoyed it, but there are some phrases that doesn't go with the rhythm. Yet I understood what you felt.
Is this like some sort of suicidal event. I love how your writting has a sort of flow. Another thing I notice how it doesn't rhyme which is something great. There not a lot of things to be corrected. Except the first two lines. How about (all of this, too unberable) then go on to im giving up. Just a suggestion though it is great the way it is.
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