pennyloafer's profile

pennyloafer avatar
AGE: 22
LOC: Rocklin, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 30

Nineteen year old jack of all trades, supporter of many vices, wanderer and admirer of fine things.

All that adds up to not much at all.

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
when we have gone when our blood has long since ceased to flow in proud torrents what reason have the waves to break? whose hair will the wind roughly tousle when we no longer stumble down the rocky hillsides, our voices tangled with the wind for whom will the grass grow if not for us? and for who the flowers and the trees? when we have gone never to return again what reason have the waves to break?
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
like mothballs bobbing lightly up front with each step so as to frighten off those damned demons cursing the old with age and the young with youth
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   3 Comments
I am a woman now I guess and I guess I've been one always even when overlapping girlhood but now I am a woman only and I tiptoe through the world I once trampled bold and barefoot
Ratings & Rankings
Poetry / Real Class
Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
From the balcony seats I imagine they look Like flower petals That had been plucked For the sake of knowing Whether He loves me, Or he loves me not. Those petals, I imagine, Flutter and spin On the breeze To the sound of Vivaldi's spring. But from where I'm sitting, I see smiling sweat stains On scrawny women Who cringe each time Their toes hit the stage, But who grin like idiots Nonetheless. As the music hits a peak They’re hitting their toes Extra hard, And over the army Of violinists I ca...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   3 Comments
I am sleek and golden under this soft pale skin of mine and under this soft pale skin of mine I am basking in the light of sweet denial soaking in the moonlight swimming with the owls at nighttime brushing up by the rocky crags hiding my toenails in the sand my legs forever tangled in the grasses of the steppe
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
I like this. Nice flow, nice use of language. It has a playful seriousness, if that makes any sort of sense. I admit that I don't know exactly what you're talking about...but I do like it!
Poetry / Ink
Dripping with aimless angst. I think you would benefit from pulling some of the articles out of your writing and taking a less sentence-based approach to the whole thing. Maybe even try some creative line breaks instead of punctuation! It would sound more dramatic and less forced that way.
I was originally going to say something like "well, I think the image this poem conjures up is really great but the 'an angel's breath" isn't a strong enough line to repeat." However, now that I've reread it a few times, I think it IS a strong enough line to repeat. Nicely done.
Poetry / Alone
While I think there are a few too many overused images in this for it to be considered for publication, and some grammar issues ("are ties" in the first stanza, for example)I personally really enjoyed the poem. It made me incredibly sad and aroused all kinds of sympathy, which is great if a poem can do that. I think with some revisions you can make this a more powerful poem that IS worthy of publication. It seems you are quite set on that goal.
I think this is very good overall, good use of repetition...but your first line "O what mean it to dream. " seems awfully out of place. Maybe if you used that silly sort of syntax throughout the poem, it would make sense...but in just one line it just makes for a rocky start. Unless that was intentional?