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perfct2u's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Leola, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 07
LOC: Leola, PA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 07
Please read the KM series and let me know suggestions on how to improve it, add content, character depth, etc.
Items
Version 3
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Avant Garde: the Story of Kelia Morgan *Chapter 5* - - - - - - - - - - - - Kelia was eighteen now. And feeling like she wished she was Jonathan’s girlfriend instead of Lissa. Lissa was one of her commanding officer’s (CO’s) in cadet training. She nicknamed Kelia, Private Petty after one of Lissa’s friends who “was never wrong.” Though whenever Kelia was called to explain to other CO’s under roll call why she was called Private Petty she would call ba...
Version 2
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Avant Garde: the Story of Kelia Morgan ****Chapter 3 &4***** - - - - - - - - - - - Kelia stood clutching her books and pencils. Her hair held back with a navy blue headband. L’Andruçe folded his newspaper into quarters and tucked it under his arm. Then he knelt down in front of Kelia. “Ready for school?” “Of course, monsieur,” Kelia curtsied. Actually she dipped low to look like a curtsy as her right foot itched the back of her left calf. She loved...
Version 4
3 Reviews
2 Comments
Avant Garde the Story of Kelia Morgan ****This is the beginning of the story. ***** It was a dark night. And cold as the rain thundered across the red light district. “Aw, mon cherie, go back to sleep. You’re mother has company. She doesn’t need you standing in the hallway.” The woman with untidy hair, ran her warm porcelain hand down Kelia’s chin. She giggled as the man swaggered her into the bedroom. “Erm, who’s that? Is she here for the show?” He grunted through teeth clenching a smoking c...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Eva Marcinkowitz Jonathan drummed his fingers on the wooden arm. He sat in his study looking across at a picture of her. She was pretty: her dark blonde hair (a shimmering wet slate gray in the blak and white photograph) framed her rounded face. Her eyes sparkled to him. He sighed. Trying to forget the images in his head. The screaming, the smell of burning flesh, and the look of desperation in her face. Yet he felt somehow she had survived. That she was alive. No. Her ashes were scattered al...
Version 1
9 Reviews
1 Comment
As I sit and watch you sleep-- Your hazel eyes, your soft skin-- I often wonder how it could have been Had you said no. You are my best friend, My most treasured companion, My everlasting light-- The one who loves me for who I am. You are my inspiration, My aspiration-- And I love you. Kelly Ammon
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Reviews
A great story that seems fit for sequels, much like the Chronicles of Narnia. The story is well written, however there were some abrupt points. One is where you introduce Billy into the story. Perhaps you could add one or two details to the beginning of the story (ex: Samantha ran away from everyone, even her best friend Billy.)? I did not notice any abrupt tense disagreements, however, I am not the best at noticing them in the context of a story. Perhaps you could recommend your story for ce...
Shocking ending. The significance of the main characters p.o.v. about why he liked the idea of people viewing and admiring his tattoos was hard to understand. Until the end when he cuts off his own skin and limbs to put on a canvas and admire. Although, as the main character points out, it was someone else's work on his canvas (blank body). So was the main character admiring how his skin complimented the tattoo work or was he admiring how he took the tattoo work and composed it into a composi...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
- Grammar correction: She speeds dial her... -It should be: She speed dials... - For a script that is somewhat like a soap opera, the flow of action is very abrupt. If you are writing this as a script, you should change the format to a script format, such as: Claudia sits at Rose's table, calls on cell phone. Operator: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Claudia: Jessica? Your notes for reviewer is hard to understand due to all the grammatical errors. This piece, even for a second chapter in a seri...
Very gripping mystery/dark tale. Reminiscent of Agatha Christie's and E.A. Poe's style. Very like the 'Tell-Tale Heart' also. Your development of the conflict over a portrait that causes it's viewers an often guilty reaction is well done. This is a great story for lovers of mysteries, dark tales and similar stories to those mentioned above. Below are suggestions for editing to make the piece more polished. Then, you could publish it in a mystery story magazine or some other 'haunting/horror' ...
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