pianolegs's profile
AGE:
25
LAST LOGIN: May 21
LAST LOGIN: May 21
horray, another space on this wonderful site to be even more whorish
if you’re looking at this because you’ve been reading my work, then i already love you.
if you hate my work, i love you even more.
write me a scathing review! i like constructive criticism.
other things that don’t matter:
i’m 21
i go to school to learn how to write and speak spanish
i smoke cigarettes and do a billion othe…
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Memo This message has been blind carbon-copied to you. A meeting will be held this Friday to discuss our Agenda for the upcoming year. Your attendance is imperative as we will be detailing the new twelve-point plan to slowly disintegrate the fabric of the American Family, The Catholic Church, Big Business, all that is sacred, etc. Our hopes are high. Topics will include: How to trick impressionable youth into joining our godless army, How to steal jobs and influence people, and The education ...
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Main Entry: lac•ri•ma•tion Function: noun: the secretion of tears; specifically: abnormal or excessive secretion of tears due to local or systemic disease. Noble captain of the minnow spits jade elephants over deck; watches them slide like melting butter over the upturned bellies of bass. Sonar boy, the scientist, peers over a colony of knuckles at the screen, waiting for the bleep of a beat of any heart beneath the waves. And the Dramamine sloughs through all of them, the slow lull, the osci...
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I still have two dimensions of you; the note you wrote and gave to me, the photo of us together smiling the same protected smirk, sitting on my bed, our knees just barely touching. I still have paper cuts on my fingers from tracing the fold of your hipbone that night we had our “slumber party” in my parents’ basement. I remember how you flattened yourself to the kitchen wall, as my mother offered you pancakes, smiling. I still have the ticket from our trip to Cleveland where the wind burnt ci...
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The last time I took Michael to church he grabbed my ass during communion. My mother looked at us like Jesus might fall off the cross. Beyond the red glowing crosses of the stained glass windows, the August sun sweltered hot. I remembered that heat, how it had dripped from the rafters just the same on the day I fainted. It’s become one of those polished stories now, another example of why I didn’t turn out quite right. My uncles bring is up at holiday dinners. We just laugh and laugh. I don’t...
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14 Reviews
3 Comments
A week before Emily disappeared I had a dream that we went shopping together. We were in a thrift store in her new town, trying on purple pumps and giant sunglasses. She kept calling everything “hot sex” the way she always did. She’d tip her dusty aviators over that tiny nose and say in her best British accent, “What do you think, dahling? I think they’re purely hot sex.” Then she’d laugh, and before I had time to answer, toss them back into the bin and skip down the aisle, away from me. This...
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I think a few small changes would improve this piece immensely. For one, I think you need to even out your line lengths to make the poem flow better and look better on the page. I think the word "silken" in the first line is to antiquated for the simple diction of the rest of the poem and "penatrative" seems too heavy and slows the rhythm of the piece. Also, I had trouble picturing "blood green." Be wary of the tense change from the second and third stanzas. Finally, the second to last line t...
I think to give this piece a truly fair review, I'd have to hear it read. Am I right in assuming this is a spoken word piece? I especially like the line "Earlier, we made love out of lust/ Or at least I did" I think you can eliminate the "Not sure about you" Its already inferred, and mentioning it explicitly weakens the force of the line preceeding it. I'm also unsure of the capitalization of the words in line nine, but if this is a spoken word piece, I can understand them being there for voc...
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There are a few grammatical / spelling errors. In the third line Annas' should be Anna's. Line fourteen should be 'must have' instead of 'must of.' Line eighteen, insecurtity should be insecurity, salavating should be salivating, and chaped should be chapped. I think you should run your poems through a spell check before posting them, many spell checks will pick up grammatical errors as well. A last note on the language of the poem, try to end your lines on strong, pertinent words, not conjun...
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I've seen this topic many times before. I think you'd have to find a fresh slant on it to make it really appealing. Yeah, this is a stolen a country and imperialism sucks, seriously. But what else? The wronged American Indian has become too much of a cultural cliche. Maybe you should read some American Indian writers, like Sherman Alexie or Louise Erdrich, to get a fresher perspective. If this is a topic you feel strongly about, maybe you can do some research and present us with a new view on...
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