pipiluv69's profile

You state that this is a rough draft and after reading it, I understood what you meant...It's a very creative piece of poetry, it flows smoothly and contains much imagery with...."A 4-legged creature-mane and tail aflame"..stirs the readers imagination to actually picture this creature of symbolism with its' eyes of molten metal and hooves of refined steel clopping its' way across a parched desertland. It can't be haltered nor tamed..reminds one of mankind's unbridled passions which are often...

As far as SciFi&Fantasy goes, this has the potential of becoming a great storyline. Right now, though, it seems to lack character information leaving the reader guessing why, who, what, etc., which overall, leaves it chopped up quite a bit. It's like the reader is forced into figuring the entire storyline out for themselves, like why is this character, Carson Breams doing what he is doing and who is Carson Breams to begin with? Why does Carson Breams feel towards this little girl the way he f...

A heartfelt poetic verse such as this one warms the heart. There are a few grammatical errors throughout the poem, but it's general message is kept in tact throughout it. The rhythm or flow of the poem needs some basic work, but overall, you're a very talented writer, and my only suggestion is keep writing.

okay, I'm going to warn you, I'm not much of a SciFi/Fantasy writer myself or reader, for that matter of such material, but I am always open-minded and so, I have ventured to reading such writings lately. I must admit, this has great potential and it definitely captures the readers attention span, which is something I look for as a reader whenever I'm reading a story. If it cannot hold my attention span for more than the first few paragraphs, then it has lost me completely as a reader. In Sci...