I really enjoyed this story. It is well written and I love the end, the way you revealed that the townies knew a lot more about what was really geing on than they let on. And it's a great concept that not all monsters in the closet are imaginary - simple yet effective. Here are a few areas that stood out, whether they be good or not-so-good: Old Forge, New York is located in the middle of a dense wilderness, which intersects route 81 as it weaves its way northward to Canada. There was one sch...

I liked a lot of things about this piece. I like your easy way of writing, a style that I am fond of. While I Know this is a first draft, typos abound, things that program like microsoft word with automatic spell-ckeck would have eliminated. As a writer, if you are not using a prgram like this, you need to. Spell-check IS YOUR FRIEND!!! Here are some specific errors: She was my bestfriend (best friend)and partner and i (I) knew men were her biggest weakness. (Most of your "I"s are not capital...

All in all, I think this is much better writing overall then your past installment, and the last was pretty good. My main problem with this is that you have WAY too many characters and WAY too many events crammed into one short section. I also notice that you like the skim over some sections, like Haskell's death, but then give quite a bit of time to things that could be skimmed over such as Danny discussing the new arrangements with the servants. Some of this seems off kilter. In just a few ...

I see you took some of my suggestions as well as some of the other reviewers to heart. I think you really improved this section in a lot of ways! And you didn't waste any time either. You had a new version posted the day after I read the last. You are clearly a hard working and determined writer. This and your talent will see you through to being published, and I have no doubt you will. Here are a few things that still stuck out, but not much to say. For all to be together for such a fun occa...

I liked this quote a lot. At first I giggled to myself, but then I read it again and saw the truth in it. As a parent, it becomes automatic to keep an eye on any other child in the area. It's like an unspoken urge. Also, sometimes we fail to realize, that while most of us no longer actually live in villages per se, we forget just how many peole are in a child's life, shaping who they are. Parents, grandparents, teachers, doctors, day care, even the librarian who reads story hour. Good job.

I liked some parts of this, but others were lacking. While abruptness is what I am sure you were looking for to punctuate a piece to further illustrate the angst, it really didn't work for me, and a lot did not make sense. I did however like the "suprise" - I read the first few lines and think, ah, a cliched poem about flowers, and then get to "sweaty smell, destroys relationhips." It jolted me, and I liked that. However, that being said, it seemed a bit too "woman=good, man+bad" for me. But ...

All in all, I liked this piece. The diolague overall was pretty strong. While I have not read the rest, I think I know where you are going with this and it is a great concept. Here are some things I noticed: Well Levi, welcome to Stasis, I do suggest to visit the church they are particularly good at welcoming newcomers and can even help you find your way around.” (This is a run-on) of those still attached to their skin or those with skin still attached to them (I loved this line) I noticed i...

I hate to say this, but I did not like this query letter at all. You went from downing yourself at the beginning, to showing off with lots of long words, back to downing yourself again at the end. I did not finish High School. (Who cares of you do not finish high school! Does that make you any less of a poet? If you are good, you are good. End of story. Never EVER down yourself when you are trying to SELL yourself. If you feel you are unworthy, then they will too! PLEASE, take this out!) I tr...

I have to say that this is some of the first poetry/lyrics I have read on here that I truly enjoyed. You choice of words is fantastic. Unexpected and melodic, suprsising. There were several lines, espcially in the last two peoms that I had to stop and read it over again because they were so interesting and I had to unravel them. I love something that makes you think. Most of all, your style is reminiscent of Chris Cornell - beautiful phrases that you may not understand the first time you read...

Very well thought out and very well written. I like the way you got in Celice's head. I didn't really see a lot of errors, but here are a few sentences that were awkward and didn't really work for me: So she couldn’t understand as to why meeting Gabriel all this had changed. (Need to revamp or at the very least add a comma) So why had she got (gotten)the urge of potentiality? (Whole sentence is awkward, and I could be wrong, but it potentiality really a word?) Otherwise, looks great. I can't ...