pitifulinc's profile
AGE:
48
LOC: Rochester, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 10
LOC: Rochester, PA
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 10
I am a singer/songwriter/musician who would like to publish his memiors. they call me Mr.Pitiful
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Version 1
9 Reviews
0 Comments
We have plenty of do nothing pols running this country. If they lived with me for 1 day, it would shock their world. I, for the 1st time in 30 yrs am actually afraid to cast my vote. Just think, a Vietmam vet is our best hope. and even he will be overwhelmed if he wins.
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Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
There have been many books and movies written on the subject of child abuse. I have read a great deal of material on the subject. Many times while reading a tale of neglect and loveless childhoods, I could almost be there again, wondering if there would ever be a better life. In my childhood, there were good times. There were also times that I thought it was just a test, a sick joke, to see how much misery one little boy could stand. And that is where I got the title for my story. Of all the...
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Sincerely, a piece of erotic prose to be worthy of. Yes, it could use a touch up, but I wouldn't change the overall theme. Love experienced, love lost. Makes perfect sense.
You kept my attention. My only critique is that you didn't put more emphasis on the characters feelings, or explain those feelings. Example; After the boy was brutally attacked, repulsed but fascinated? And how does this fit in later in the story. An explanation of what I mean is, if you hear a comic doing a routine, he might use a punchline as a follow up to a joke later on. So, it was well written, but dissapointing as to what it all meant in the long run. Remember, anything, or at least s...
Although I understand the main idea of this work, it seems to ramble to the point of repitition. Poetry is more than the last words of a sentence rhyming. The feelings aren't quite defined, just generalized. I make it a point to keep my reviews short and sweet, so here goes. Perhaps by shortening the lines and using less {the}, {and},etc, you can better express yourself. Vivid is good. Long and drawn out is not. Hope I could be of help. Mr.Pitiful
I only found one mistake."Who had change", should it be 'changed'? Other than that, this narrative is sad if not predictable in its outcome. It does show the progression of a relationship and the nuances we take for granted. My thought is that you should polish this,[some lines need work],and keep it as a tribute to any one who has survived a failed relationship. Good work!!
It's pretty plain to what you were feeling. Good use of euphomisms. Loneliness can be the greatest inspiration for poetry. I get the sense you're comparing what could be to what actually is. But it also doesn't delve deep enough, or touch a nerve. I hate to use the word cliche... maybe timidity. I feel you were holding back, except for the title. Anytime someone uses profanity in a poem I look to see if it is warranted, or if it is used for shock value. You were teetering right on the edge un...
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