Only one spelling error,{recent}. Other than that, I'm confused as to why your inlaw didn't ride in the back WITH the cargo. But then, I'm not taking the composition course either. I applaud you for taking classes at your age. Keep working on that "humorist style", it's in there somewhere. Ha ha. P.S I'm curious as to what grade the teacher gave you.

You had my interest early on. Too many times have I been 'cornered' into a meaningless and inane conversation. "Danger exists in the prolonged". This statement threw me, prolonged what? The last paragraph then starts rolling towards that often dreaded,"mindless babbling". I was also disappointed you didn't mention `comfortable silence', a very rare but real feeling between two people. Excellent subject matter.

You have no idea how ironic this story was when I read it. First, it was well written and hilarious. Second, as I was reading it on a computer at the local library, a woman comes in with a small boy and a teen daughter. Sitting at the modem next to me, mumbling something about the number she forgot, while the little one raised hell and the daughter tried in vain to control him. She tells her daughter to make him behave, with out hitting him, and proceeds to ignore them. Like you, I have trie...

Robin Quivers VP? That alone is worth voting the bastard in. Howard 'Sperm', is NOT my favorite person, but when I started reading this I thought,MMMmm! This is a very funny piece, not perfectly written, but comedy isn't meant to be perfect. Excellent!

Taking into consideration, your age, I'll be gentle. Sounds like a punk song. I couldn,t follow or relate to it. You didn't put an abundance of thought into it. You started with suicide and talked about suicide and ended with uhh... Suicide! No mention of expressing feelings, people left behind, will it hurt. But hell of a punk song, seriously.

It's pretty plain to what you were feeling. Good use of euphomisms. Loneliness can be the greatest inspiration for poetry. I get the sense you're comparing what could be to what actually is. But it also doesn't delve deep enough, or touch a nerve. I hate to use the word cliche... maybe timidity. I feel you were holding back, except for the title. Anytime someone uses profanity in a poem I look to see if it is warranted, or if it is used for shock value. You were teetering right on the edge un...

I only found one mistake."Who had change", should it be 'changed'? Other than that, this narrative is sad if not predictable in its outcome. It does show the progression of a relationship and the nuances we take for granted. My thought is that you should polish this,[some lines need work],and keep it as a tribute to any one who has survived a failed relationship. Good work!!

Although I understand the main idea of this work, it seems to ramble to the point of repitition. Poetry is more than the last words of a sentence rhyming. The feelings aren't quite defined, just generalized. I make it a point to keep my reviews short and sweet, so here goes. Perhaps by shortening the lines and using less {the}, {and},etc, you can better express yourself. Vivid is good. Long and drawn out is not. Hope I could be of help. Mr.Pitiful

You kept my attention. My only critique is that you didn't put more emphasis on the characters feelings, or explain those feelings. Example; After the boy was brutally attacked, repulsed but fascinated? And how does this fit in later in the story. An explanation of what I mean is, if you hear a comic doing a routine, he might use a punchline as a follow up to a joke later on. So, it was well written, but dissapointing as to what it all meant in the long run. Remember, anything, or at least s...

Sincerely, a piece of erotic prose to be worthy of. Yes, it could use a touch up, but I wouldn't change the overall theme. Love experienced, love lost. Makes perfect sense.