playrite76's profile
AGE:
33
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 29
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 29
I’ve been writing for years, but have recently decided that I need to show off my work. Some of my stuff is out there, on other websites, in some smaller magazines, and even something that was produced on stage, but for the most part all of my work has been held close to my own heart. I guess it’s time to show it off. I hope you all like it.
Items
Version 1
9 Reviews
6 Comments
8 Pedro was dreaming. The wind slapped his face with a strong aroma of smoke. He looked around and saw hell. There were fires raging all around him, but it had a vaguely familiar look to it. After looking around for a moment, he realized that he did know this place. It wasn’t hell. It was Dallas. There was so much chaos. People were running everywhere, from the demons. There were thousands of the creatures, and they were devouring everything that they touched. He saw a demon pounce on an old ...
Version 1
18 Reviews
6 Comments
1 Running. It seemed that she was always running these days. It wasn’t just the days, either. It was nights, too. She was even running in her dreams, which she knew this was. But the horrors that were pursuing her were relentless. She could not stop. She dared not stop. For if she stopped, she knew that she would never wake up. The tunnel seemed to stretch on for an eternity, and it probably did. She would keep running, though. She had to. Eventually she would wake up, if she kept ahead of t...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Robert Nightengale anxiously watched the clock. He knew exactly when the telephone would ring, yet dreaded every second that passed by. Every night at eight forty-five, he would try to think of something to do, something that could get him out of the house. At nine, though, he would find himself shakily reaching for the phone as the ringing echoed through his apartment. The sound reverberated through his skull, louder and louder, until he could take it no more. He would fight back the tears ...
Version 1
10 Reviews
9 Comments
4 Sonja awoke from the nightmare screaming fiercely at the walls of her nearly empty room. Her whole body ached as if she had just run a marathon. In her dreams, she had. She had run through the endless tunnel for what seemed an eternity. The monsters never caught her, thank God, but they had never ceased chasing her, either. She ran and the obsidian little devils pursued, that’s the way it always had been. There were never any differences in the dreams, never any great mysteries unraveled. S...
Version 1
24 Reviews
9 Comments
"Dad called me yesterday." That was all that Jason said as he stared out across the lake. Just your normal everyday conversation starter between two brothers. But there was nothing normal about what Jason had said. Our father had been dead for almost a year. Jason gave me a quick look, then drained the last of his Michelob in one large swallow. He started to get up from his chair, but I grabbed him by the wrist before he could get to his feet. "What did you just say?" I asked my younger broth...
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Reviews
Ok. You want me to be honest? It doesn't matter. C'mon M... you should always write what you love. If you love these characters, or are falling in love with them, then you know what will happen? Your audience will love them too. It doesn't matter if they're gay or into any other thing that is against the "norm". If the writing is good, and it will be (that I'm sure of), then your reader will not care. Have you ever read Poppy Z. Brite? Well, let me tell you a little story (not to milk credits...
Bravo! This is one of the best pieces that I have read on Urbis. Period. You so eloquently describe a writer when going through the creative process. Everything from the seclusion to the writing on scraps of paper. You nailed it. I see nothing grammatical or spelling wise that took away from this piece. The structure is sound, the flow as smooth as silk. If there is one thing that I would point out, it is your last paragraph. You state, as "Shakespeare wrote in his famous tragedy". Which one?...
Well, first off, let me say that you have my interest. But can you hold it? That I can't answer yet. Your story is intriguing and had me fixated on every word. Until... That's right, until. You started to lose me when Panama X and the governor met face to face. You transitioned between so many different characters in that section, but there were only two in the room. Weren't there? No? I understand what you were getting at invoking spirits and all, but it needs more description to be be funct...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
This is definitely a good hook. Even though it is a prologue, you've given some interesting information here. Trimmel seems to be a character that will be well worth taking the time to read about. And Qualm, he says so much about his personality without really saying anything at all. The mage in the form of a little boy? I am intrigued. There are some grammar things that need to be edited, but they should take care of themselves with a quick rewrite. One thing that jumped out at me was the gl...
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