Wow! This is great work. I would have given this a ten, but there were a few things that could be edited. I want you to know, though, that on storyline alone, this piece is at LEAST a ten. You drew me into your world with Faradhar and Drav. I was there with them as their forces ineffectively battled the Demon. Luckily, I was watching from above and managed to escape. You have an excellent way of describing the surroundings, from the cave walls to the fire and the bedrolls surrounding it, to t...

Intriguing. I like this a bit more than your first attempt. You have given more details, and limited the use of the "dogicide" phrase that I had issue with before. I like the idea of explaining the unique gift that Monkey has, but I wonder if maybe you have come out with that information too early? There are still some gramatical and spelling errors in this, so you may want to edit again. One thing in particular that caught my eye was, "With the help of Sara McVeigh, the veterinarian and one ...

The beginning of this story needs work. I struggled through it, and I'm glad I did, but in all actuality I don't even think it's necessary. What about just starting the story in the forest? Maybe he could have flashbacks to the time when Betty left him? And the dealing with Glen in the start of the story is, in my opinion, absolutely unnecessary. We don't need to know about another boring day at work and another confrontation with an idiot boss. Most people experience this in everyday life. T...

Well, I do not see any spelling or grammatical errors in this, but it does seem to be missing something. What I mean is this... As I was reading the first few paragraphs, I had to go back and read again as you confused me a little bit. Maybe more detail of the scene would help. The council is standing around the kiln waiting for the craftswoman to finish the job? Why? Could you expand on that some? I know that this is a prologue, but what significance does the kiln hold? Also, I wasn't quite ...

This is rather good, though short. I like how you describe the scene and show your reader the relationship that is built and building between Kirsa and Ryuu. The only thing that I would ask for is for you to show that Ryuu is insane, rather than only telling your reader. I know that this piece is short and was intended to be, but it left me wondering why Kirsa says that. Is it just that he is such a hard teacher? If that's all there is, why would Kirsa, obviously a warrior, say something like...

This is definitely a good hook. Even though it is a prologue, you've given some interesting information here. Trimmel seems to be a character that will be well worth taking the time to read about. And Qualm, he says so much about his personality without really saying anything at all. The mage in the form of a little boy? I am intrigued. There are some grammar things that need to be edited, but they should take care of themselves with a quick rewrite. One thing that jumped out at me was the gl...

Well, first off, let me say that you have my interest. But can you hold it? That I can't answer yet. Your story is intriguing and had me fixated on every word. Until... That's right, until. You started to lose me when Panama X and the governor met face to face. You transitioned between so many different characters in that section, but there were only two in the room. Weren't there? No? I understand what you were getting at invoking spirits and all, but it needs more description to be be funct...

Bravo! This is one of the best pieces that I have read on Urbis. Period. You so eloquently describe a writer when going through the creative process. Everything from the seclusion to the writing on scraps of paper. You nailed it. I see nothing grammatical or spelling wise that took away from this piece. The structure is sound, the flow as smooth as silk. If there is one thing that I would point out, it is your last paragraph. You state, as "Shakespeare wrote in his famous tragedy". Which one?...

Ok. You want me to be honest? It doesn't matter. C'mon M... you should always write what you love. If you love these characters, or are falling in love with them, then you know what will happen? Your audience will love them too. It doesn't matter if they're gay or into any other thing that is against the "norm". If the writing is good, and it will be (that I'm sure of), then your reader will not care. Have you ever read Poppy Z. Brite? Well, let me tell you a little story (not to milk credits...