plecogeek's profile
AGE:
50
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
LOC: United States
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: September 14
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Items
Version 2
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I very slowly pass a street corner, driving inch by inch in an endless curve. 22nd and California. Somewhere a floor must creak. The despondent girl leans against a telephone pole. Countless bits of staples protrude – old signs rustling eyes focused to a place none but she can see having shame in shapes like stones or pools of turbid water. I very slowly pass a street corner, driving. 22nd and California. Somewhere is heard a toilet to flush. Absent, the girl compulsively worries her fingers ...
Version 1
7 Reviews
2 Comments
I very slowly pass a street corner, driving inch by inch in an endless curve. 22nd and California. Somewhere a floor must creak. A despondent girl leans against a telephone pole. Countless bits of staples protrude – old signs rustling Shards she had eyes, eyes focused to a place none but she can see Having shame in shapes like stones or pools of turbid water. I very slowly pass a street corner, driving. 22nd and California. Somewhere is heard a toilet to flush. Absent, the girl compulsively w...
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Gathered on grass some in chairs Some people spoke, others not Tears a few, my brother hid a smoke Then I said some profound things After words, I told them To go eat lunch (to c_e_l_e_b_r_a_t_e) Some watched the box go down We drove, then ate Chinese. 99 years It took for a death To finally make.
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
Last week I left a piece of myself in my handkerchief on her doorsill tailored but no longer breathing bloodless and nicotine stained my offering the begs the binding gift of her spinning round and round flopping and dying fish in my arms tired cream we are lovers now
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
I am always over there & then when he beside me said No I reached in my child eyes sigh and could not would not weep
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Reviews
Whoopie! I finally found a poem on Urbis that wasn't pure crap, and actually yielded something that made me consider what you were saying. Honestly, in reading your work, I really cared. I offer the following edits as I am a good editor, and not because I dis' your work. As I said, I really get what you're trying to say, which is why I offer my thoughts. There are places where you could tighten your work. Some ideas: "These words regard the past, reach backward for a beginning" - when I speak...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
Hi there, I really wanted to enjoy your work, after reading such doldrums prior. However, I must say: Any time you start a poem with, "The arrow of love has pierced my soul", the poem sounds like a parody if itself. I know you don't feel this way, so I would recommend changing the first line. My other comments relate to your general application of "whispered ideas of love and life". I recommend you be specific - how do you feel in specific. Colors. Noises. Touch feelings? Your poetry flows we...
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