pmcclen2's profile

I really like how you introduced Old Man Winter first. How he created Jack, his son. The main thing about it is that it appeals to your directed audience of young adults, and I do believe they would enjoy this. I would enjoy seeing this as a cartoon or a movie too. However, more imagery is required in order to enhance the dialogue between the characters. I really like how you made the creation of Jack PG instead of what normally happens of course. Very well written overall!

This is a great piece. I love the fact that Donna is making comments on Joe's story. It is here where you know her side or point of view. However, it is more telling than showing in the writing. I would want to know how Joe and Donna looked. I want to know how the environment looked. Smells? Sounds? People? etc. I think you did a great job of presenting the information so that there would be no ambiguities of who the characters were. I also think that you should elaborate more of what was goi...

This is a wonderful third chapter. I think you are well on your way with this novel. The best thing about it is the imagery and adjectives used to describe what's going on with the stranger or rapist. you do a great job in showing that something had happened to you against your will when you state, "She pulls up my pants and turns me over." Being that this is a dramatic and suspenseful theme, I would really like you to elaborate on it in which the man takes advantage of you. You can do a litt...

I absolutely love this. I don't usually like Sci Fi and fantasy. However, you did your thing with this. If you are planning to write a novel, I would encourage you to continue with that. I love the fact that you brought earthly ideologies and organizations in a story that is obviously fiction. The whole war cry is very pleasing to the reader in search of adventure and excitement. I really want to read more! However, the only thing I'm not to sure about would be the history of Sasha Colton. I ...