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AGE:
32
LOC: Forest Park, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 04
LOC: Forest Park, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 04
Post-Tomboy. Professional Heartbreaker. Insomniac. Mother of one. Goofy. Terrified of the living dead. Shameless garbage picker. Classic car enthusiast. As faceted as a 1950’s punchbowl. COMPLETELY In love.
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Version 2
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Outside Dr. Twining's home office, Isabelle Murphy sat in her car long enough to for the cold to find her fingers again. There was a twenty minute gap between arriving there from work and the time of her appointment. That was not enough time to get a cup of coffee or get into a book, not enough time to go home and change or even wash up. It was enough time to make a phonecall, but Isabelle didn't want to talk. She chewed her lip. At 5:40pm she gripped the steering wheel at 11 and 1, pressed h...
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I love tales of simple pleasures. Yours is no exception. Your born-again enthusiasm should be reflected in more detailed description 1) in what has dulled your senses (the mundane) and 2)in the last part (each having its own unique fragarance and feel)perhaps some flaky croissant crumbs or sugary lemon zest or cherries sleeping in a danish nest. Just a thought.
My boss is a biker - about your age, and sensitive like you, too. I think he'd really like this poem. I did.
My turn. Did you mean 'gats' in line 5? The word must be used loosely these days. Al Capone used a gat, and that was ages ago. Lose the quotes, your flow is enough to carry it, with necessary emphasis, without them. I was a little lost on the line "To see our Ancestors "shit" we have to to pay". I don't know if that needs to be fixed or if I'm just ignorant this morning. I'm white and I know Whites have an awful lot of Shit to pay for our ancestors (may history NEVER repeat itself - we've com...
Ah...unrequited love. It's one of the more painful muses, eh? This piece really says it all. Well-examined. Fourth stanza, second line: "your" should be "you're". That's all. Good job.
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