portraitofkarma's profile

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AGE: 19
LOC: Mount Clare, WV
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 08

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wc: portraitofkarma

Item Stats
Reviewer Stats
Items
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Somewhere-- Ocean tides are approaching and receding. There's a Copperhead slithering through high grass A woman picnicking with her family A car crash on a busy street An executive late for his business meeting. My alarm clock sirens (Well, an ambulance in my dream) I abruptly awake from that foreign dimension with a start. It's time for living Time to shower, to eat, to drive Time to work, to converse, to smile Dinner date at 5, don't be late Handsome drives me home, bed. I enter REM sleep ...
Ratings & Rankings
Short Story / A Sugar Too Sweet
Version 1
7 Reviews   0 Comments
This macabre life ain’t a life at all. Lillian and I sat in her room on her bed. I loved that bed—the pink fluffy comforter, with her soft, girly plaid pillows to match. It thrilled me when she invited me in her room and allowed me to rest with her. To lay next to that warm and tender girl, to feel her hands in my hair, her voice repeating my name in that high pitched girly tone…loved it. I enjoyed her company. I enjoyed anyone’s company anymore. But hers was matchless. Sweet sixteen, eyes gr...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews   0 Comments
You may have heard that I, the mighty planet Pluto, am not actually a real planet anymore. I have Pinocchio syndrome, all I want to be is a real planet. Instead, I’ve been put into this category, “dwarf planet,” bah. I am not a dwarf planet. I can tell you that now. I may be the runt of the pack, but I am just as great as the others! I wish… I’ve been feeling down a lot lately. Not only am I the farthest away from the most beautiful mass in the sky, but also my secret love, the Sun, no longer...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
“The Chien Trahn Alliance has now made their third incursion, on the once mighty empire known as Europe, though the continent was forgotten since the Great America banned contact with other countries. The Chien Trahn Alliance is becoming an unstoppable, insuperable force upon the world. Like a machine, it’s inhaling almost every outsider, whore, and bigot that walked the earth! These times, these hard treacherous times of 400 after millennia, are just beginning. Friends, we must work together...
Ratings & Rankings
Novel Treatments / thy will be done (prologue)
Version 1
5 Reviews   1 Comment
“The Chien Trahn Alliance has now made their third incursion, on the once mighty empire known as Europe, though the continent was forgotten since the Great America banned contact with other countries. The Chien Trahn Alliance is becoming an unstoppable, insuperable force upon the world. Like a machine, it’s inhaling almost every outsider, whore, and bigot that walked the earth! These times, these hard treacherous times of 400 after millennia, are just beginning. Friends, we must work together...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Short Story / Kleptomania
This made me laugh a few times. Great first person point of view. Also, very creative. I haven't met a single person who collects animals. I don't really know of anything that was wrong with it, so, don't change anything. Good job. I enjoyed this.
Limericks / Review
Try capitalizing my in the last line, put an apostrophe in funerals (funeral's) and tomorrow is spelled wrong. Also, I think you should add a comma to sound since you added one to ground. You might also think about spelling two out, because any number less than a hundred I believe, is to be spelled out. Those were just some things that I would change. Perhaps you wanted it that way. I'm probably not the best person to review a limerick either, but I tried.
Deleted Item
Absolutely amazing similes! The first one caught me. Gruesome descriptions, love it. "All the while being eyed by a fly across the room." This is a fragment, you may want to attach it to the previous sentence. "And just as the air would slowly leak out of said tire, the quiet of the room started to leak, too, allowing the noises of the room to slowly creep back in." I think you should drop the second "of the room" because it begins to sound redundant to me. You may want to work on the syntax ...
Short Story / Forboding
You give fairly good descriptions, but I would really like you to continue this. I want to know the tragedy of which the narrator fears. I think it would make a good opener, a depressing opener at that, for a book. Good syntax and descriptions. "She was…" I think maybe that should be a dash, however, I could be wrong. Good job! Keep it up.
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I'm going to give a go on the review I've long been promising you. I'll try to go through chapter by chapter because this is by far the longest piece I have reviewed. Chapter 1: I enjoy your opening scene with the unknown woman on the bike. Your description leaves me a bit longing for more. You only note her hair and her clothes, I want to know more of her eyes and her figure, perhaps you'll get into this mystery woman later? I'm a sucker for descriptions so I'll leave it out in the open. All...