purpledama's profile

Nice work:) The only thing I would suggest you review is the line, "Only the tempting call of asseveration." I'm not sure, but I think the use of the word asseveration. I think it sounds too cerebral for this piece. My personal opinion is it detracts from the depth of the incredible experience you are creating.

Great start! I would suggest elaborating MORE on DETAILS. Embellish the reader with the intense images you envision. After all if this is Fantasy you will need to HELP the reader to see, feel, smell etc. as much as you can. Good luck on expanding this, it could lead you to create a wonder filled story. (and don't forget to proof read and edit:)

Good job, but it sounds as if your forcing your writing to be a little too cerebral. Although clarity is always a good thing (in any writing:), I believe the repeated use of "he" & "she" really detracts from this piece. I would suggest rewording the poem in a way that reduces this, but maintains clarity.

Well done! With a just a little editing for clarity this is a poem I would submit for publishing. You may want to revise statements like: "So he asks for proof of soul mates" Is it "he" (the Saint) that would be "ask(ing) for proof?" Or you the author, the one that feels undeserving of such love? Additionally, this raises the question of, "Is this piece referring to love from another?" Or, is the author struggling with accepting love for himself? If it is the latter, I would suggest editing o...

The artistic creativity of your writing can be felt in this work. However, I believe you could improve on it by narrowing (or polarizing) your perspective into one direction. When I read this, I feel as if I'm being led in different directions. Perhaps, that is your intention. Or, perhaps you have more than one poem here. Who am I to say? Either way, your creative style of writing leads me to believe you can improve this piece by helping me (the reader) to follow you to the end of the piece.