pyro_princess1's profile

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AGE: 23
LOC: Big Rapids, MI
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 24

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Items
Lyrics / The Woman
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
The woman stood In front, of the mirror Her hands draped 'round her waist (chours) Staring at her staring back Picturing her Looking back Staring at her staring back The woman. The wo(formata)man The woman, stood in front, of the mirror Her sad, eyes, Forlorn on the floor Staring at her Staring back Looking at her looking back Thinking of her thinking back. The woman stood in front of you (formata) Yesterday Staring at her Staring back Shooting at her Shotting back Staring at her Staring bac...
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Lyrics / Jesus Feeds Me
Version 1
14 Reviews   10 Comments
Jesus fed me porridge through a slotted spoon. While all the cardinals sang my rosaries Jesus walked on water to the moon. And David Copperfield made the moon disappear. I sold my soul for a silver dollar. Beelzebub gave me devil’s food cake in return. Perspiration forms beads on my collar, As dark sin touches my lips and taste buds. My horns support my halo hovering in the sky I am some where stuck between the tunnel. Looking forward only fire, looking back only apple pie, And Uncle Sam gave...
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Lyrics / Carry Me
Version 1
16 Reviews   9 Comments
So leave me alone As I sit in the dark And ponder what loneliness means. The stars are glazed over And I envy the lark Who sings far better than me. My wings have been broken, As was foreseen, But the moon has been cordial to me And it’s not as bad, As it may seem if you Carry me away in my dreams. Then Carry me, Carry me. Carry me away in my dreams It’s not as bad, as it may seem If you Carry me away in my dreams And hear me now As I lie here and bleed This song out from my soul We’re all cu...
Ratings & Rankings
Reviews
Absotlutely amazing. Let me know when you have it finished, I want to read the rest of it. The only qualms I had were in the part where the two guards were talking to one another, I felt that lacked any real meaning, but I realize it's procedure and necessary to keep the story "realistic." I'm very intrigued, and definately would like to read any more of this you have.
Poetry / Regret
Very easy to understand. Great metaphor "Things seeded in the past/ Take root to grow in the present,/ And shade all of the future." I love how that flows. The only thing I could see wrong with it, is that it's not metaphorical enough, but that's just my personal taste I think. I feel that if you went just a little bit more into depth about the "busy work" and maybe found a similie for "behaved like a jerk" it sound more mature (as though it was written by the parent years and years gone by).
Deleted Item
I honestly found this story a little boring, and the meaning very disturbing. "She cried hard, muffling her sobs into her scarf...She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand before looking up. He frowned at the disarray of her makeup and disheveled hair...I just wanted to tell you that I thought about it and I think I can afford to have one more assistant." In a nut shell the elipsed paragraph above is what I got out of this story: Cry,and you shall recieve. I do however think it was well pu...
Short Story / Mold
GREAT story! I gave it a nine because the introduction of the "mold boy" isn't quite what I was hoping. I like how it he came out of nowhere, but I didn't like the fact that the reader had absolutely no preminition that "someone" was causing the mold instead of "just nature." I absolutely want to know the ending, but the whole point of the piece is not to know. Thank you for driivng me crazy, like Megan, I really do appreciate it.
Poetry / Nine Kite Day
Absolutely beautiful imagery, "They glow and glitter briefly and are gone. Leaving a warm and sweet aftertaste." However, I did think some of the imagery was a little off-base, or at least I felt that it didn't fit the poem per se "Like chocolate … or lobster" Lobster? I feel the "Zen master." reference could be replaced with another word or words that would fit the poem better. Overall this is an excellent poem, and I enjoyed reading it very much.
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