qsosnaspear's profile

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AGE: 16
LOC: Santa Barbara, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 21

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Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Don’t ask me what I mean, just listen once more, and feel what I so desperately do, and as I say what I have to say try to listen with an open ear. Here I stand whether it be amongst the pulse of a roaring crowd, or in a dark corner only I know exists, what plagues my conscious, be only the visage of someone standing before me now. Listening to my words and asking what it is I’m trying to say. And how can such demon, reality halting fiend latch onto the inner holdings of my poor plagued mind,...
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Stage Play / The Waiter
Version 1
3 Reviews   1 Comment
Characters: John: Restaurant patron. Male. Waiter: Restaurant patron. Male. Harold: Restaurant waiter. Setting: A restaurant, several tables sit along the stage horizontally. John, dressed nicely, sits alone at a table with a soup bowl in front of him and a glass of water to its side. Waiter walks past him also dressed well, but with a nametag pinned to his shirt, the name is unreadable. (Note: As the men speak they are completely stone-faced and serious.) John: Excuse me, Waiter? Waiter: Yes...
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Journalism / The Clock Talked Loud
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
The Clock Talked Loud A Discussion of Time Travel Personally, it’s my strong belief Doc Brown and Marty McFly may have been full of shit. Of course that’s just an opinion, but it can be reasoned through rather simply and concluded that not only is time travel an excellent basis for a movie plot, but also completely ludicrous. It is highly unlikely that anyone in the future (let alone in the eighties) will have the capabilities of traveling through time. The first and most obvious argument aga...
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Poetry / Lilly
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
I called out to her one day. It was unintentional, habit, but for the split second her name rest on my tongue’s tip, like an ember plunging deep to my stomach’s core, I truly believed she would once again run down the hall to greet me. In a moment the realization of such mistake thumped low in my chest, for no one was here not anyone, Just me. Standing forlorn in the heavy frame of a door— An entryway lasting far longer than she did. Leaving me alone, only to imagine what that damned carpente...
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Poetry / Lunar Flashbacks
Version 1
0 Reviews   0 Comments
Meandering down a path of disturbed soil, lined in foxgloves, cast in nightfall. My eyes flicked up for the comfort of a moon from my childhood. A moon I would watch from a back seat of a Honda. While my baby sister slept sound, with her running drool river over my shoulder, peace-filled dreams overtaken the infant, coaxed by the lullaby of gravel and tires. Our mother lone in front asking God, Why it seems only the rhythm of tires and gravel can accomplish the unachievable. And now along a d...
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Reviews
Poetry / Whimsy
(First of all-Too many ratings and rankings.) The rhyme scheme wasn't enthralling, instead a bit distracting. The third line has too many syllables, maybe one too many in the worth, and the last has too many syllables and the slant rhyme is just plain too slanted. I loved the idea, but needs better excecution. The rhymes sounded forced and not every thought in the piece really looked as though it fit, that it was just used because you needed something there.
Poetry / JOYOUS FAMILY
I would completely re-do a lot of the punctuational structuring. Second line "in other room"=awkward. Third line of third stanza has too many syllables. I liked it. Not sure I really understood it to its fullest extent but not a bad read.
I read the top, and may I say, I think i deserve extra credits for it. :P. As for the poem itself, I read it over a few times and about the third line I was lost rhythmically. It caught up again, but I think there must be something off there, I might check it again if I were you. Overall I thought it was very funny and cute, and agree completely with you.
Limericks / On Limerhythm
I couldn't figure out if this was your way of venting on those who have wronged the structure of limericks here on Urbis, but I got it. This is very clever, I've not seen anything like it. That said, the fourth line needs work, not only does it not read correctly, but it's boring, the whole idea of the 3rd and 4th line are unappealing. Though I did enjoy it quite a bit, in the tradition of limericks I had hoped the last line would bring in that extra bit of humor to drive the whole poem into...
Haiku/Senryu / embarassed
Overall I'd say it's 'cute'. Very universal, but doesn't evoke strong emotions, doesn't strike the reader as exeptionally clever, doesn't sound hugely pleasant when read. It's good, but I think you could do more with it.
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